Angels To Fly

I Am Me

Joe decided to wait until the next day when he was on strict orders from the clinic to stay put -- no strenuous activities and harsh lights -- to have a conversation with his mother. Have your own thoughts, of course, but stay away from writing the next American novel or even off devices entirely. Joe was a bit sad to hear the lack of devices part since Ben had to go back to his Host family. He would miss him and he wasn't that far but it still made his heartache. In the short texts that Joe did send, Ben must have recognized his displeasure with the concussion, so Ben began to send video messages instead. No need to look at the screen for long. Smart man, that Ben Hardy.

"Mom. Do you have a minute to talk?"

His mother was in the living room, armchair up and a kindle in her hand. Always the bookworm. Joe understood where he got his passion for literature. "Everything okay, Hun. How's your head?" She pulled her reading glasses off, folding them into her collar and began to push the button for the armchair leg rest to go down. Joe lifted a hand up to stop her from going any further.

"Stay put, mom. My head is doing much better." Joe calmly walked over and stay in the center of the three-seat couch. "I actually wanted to speak to you..about the accident."

"The accident from the other night?"

Joe shook his head, "No. That hit actually . . . I don't know, ignited some memories from my past, I think." Joe couldn't make eye contact with his mother as he proceeded with his next statement and his palms were awfully sweaty but it had to be done.

"Mom, am I gay?"

Joe didn't gaze up at his mother at that moment but suddenly after, he heard her let out a long, heavy sigh - as if the weight of a thousand years had suddenly been lifted off her shoulders. "Yes," she replied simply.

"And I had a bad accident...that made me forget that?"

"The accident left you with a lot of gaps. Some, your father and I were able to fill in. Others, we left alone until you were ready to ask us..like your sexuality."

"But I've always been gay. How did I shut that off?" Joe was flabbergasted.

"I asked that a few months after the accident. You still wanted to write and even direct, but suddenly, the push to leave was gone. You no longer had any interest in dating. At all. And no interest in theater or Hollywood. You used to have dreams of moving to Hollywood, whether your name was out there or not. Then you wanted to stay home and work in the library. And the church. We raised you Christian but once you could drive yourself, you never went back to church." Virginia shook her head, Joe finally raising his head to meet his mother's relief-filled gaze, "You were you. But not 100%. And we didn't want to force you nor did we want to have you relive that night."

"What happened to the guy...the guy I was with?" Joe swallowed hard, preparing himself for the worst.

"Went back to England once he was discharged. From what I remember, he wasn't hit in the same spot at you. It was hit on the side. Suffered tremendous hearing loss in one ear. Other than that, I think he was alright."

Joe spent the rest of the evening like this. He no longer had his father to help them pick up some of the pieces of his life before the accident nor did he have contact to the young man who also suffered at the hand of the basher. Joe asked if he should go back to the doctors and his mother said that it wasn't worth much other than seeing the damage to his lobe. He promised to speak to his brother, though he doubted it would have much effect. The relationship between Joe and his brother wasn't that close around the time of his accident.

"That guy. Ben. I know you've only known him a few months now. But he may be just what you need." Virginia remarked gently, raising to come over and cup his cheek lovingly.

"We are more than friends," Joe admitted.

"Oh, I knew that the moment Ben and I met. He was wearing one of your shirts."

"I'm sorry to use your house like that...Ben has made me do a lot..crazy things since I met the guy."

Virginia lowered his head a bit to kiss his forehead, "As I said - Just the guy you need right now."

-*-

Did Ben ever mention how he lucked out when it came to having a host family? Well, after the thousands of horror stories he read about this Au Pair gig, before and after his arrival, he hit the jackpot.

When Ben did not return the morning after Joe's breakdown, the family was worried. He made phone calls to them while Joe was getting checked out and instead of reeling into him that it was not his job, they were worried about Joe and hoped that he would be better soon. Ben was, of course, asked by his host family to return that night and honestly, Joe needed the rest. Ben was a comfort for the brunet but also a distraction.

Early in the afternoon, the father of the family overheard a voicemail from Joe that seems a bit more than just friends and suddenly, Ben is met with a raised brow, "Is this Joe. The one we met. A bit more than a good friend?"

Ben quickly put his phone back in his pocket and licked his lips in search of words to find that didn't go too much into detail about his life outside of his time in America.

"Listen. I don't care if you are gay. If that's what you are worried about. You have been amazing Au Pair before this moment and I don't think this revelation will change that." The father places a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Just do me a favor. Don't forget your obligations here. You may have a budding romance but you also have a family here that needs and misses you dearly when you are out and about."

Ben doesn't know how to respond. He would not say that he was shocked completely but he was more moved by how much it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he would never forget what brought him here in the first place - his American host family.

Ben doesn't wait for a cue. He went in for a bear hug with the father, only stopping when the kids demand that they get in on the action.

-*-

Joe entered the Neptune Lounge with new eyes that weekend. It was not for research purposes nor to negate how straight he was. He was there to drink a cold one and shamelessly ogle at Ben.

Joe thought about calling the blond his boyfriend. He had a feeling that Ben would not have a problem with it but he was still nervous. This would be his first boyfriend since the accident and it was a big deal. He could finally be free. Be open. And perhaps even get back into the theater. And add a fabulous twist to some of his previous screenplays.

Now, the doctors told the brunet not to go into any location that was strongly lit. The lounge was the exact opposite of what the doctors wanted but Joe couldn't help it, so Joe strolled into the Lounge with sunglasses. Sure, it looked stupid but he wasn't here to find a mate. He already had his pick.

"You are distracting me...you know that right," Ben stated when he took his 15 and made it to Joe's side.

"I'm aware and it's fun."

"You sure you are good with this? The dancing and..the other guys who come up to me?" Ben questioned for the millionth time since Joe was really catching on to the feeling that Ben was really into Joe. And only Joe.

"As long as you give me a lap dance every time I come to visit." The brunet leaned in with a coy smile upon his lips, "And I'm the only one you take into the back room.."

"Joe. You are too good for me here. Really." Ben began to fan himself, excusing himself from Joe because he didn't need anyone to know they were an item in this joint nor did Ben need a stiffy while still on the clock.

Outside, still clad in his tight shorts, angel wings, and glittery emerald pearls, Ben took a swing of beer. It was freezing outside and he had no shirt on but the winter air cleared his stiffy immediately.

Just as Ben turned to head back inside and give his ...boyfriend? his promised lap dance, Ben heard a grumble from the sidewalk. "Fuckin fairy." Ben did not entertain the comment because yes, he was sort of dressed like a fairy. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

When Ben re-entered, Joe was all smiles on the couch. Joe was serious. The brunet wanted his lap dance. Oh well. He knew Joe would pay. He just hoped he could keep his body as he began to rut against his dear Joseph. "Wanker."