Angels To Fly

Saying Goodbye?

About a week later and Ben was given a taste of what the local theater had to offer a Brit. Anything. And it didn't matter that he was in a brace. They could work around it, they said. He auditioned but it was a joke. They wanted him to start ASAP. He knew he messed up a line and he blinked a bit too many times because he was low-key nervous. It had been a while since all eyes were on him and not for simply dancing around in short-shorts to ABBA or Cher.

"I feel like I'm not qualified for this," Ben admitted when he was on break, on joe's lap, with the brunet playfully running his fingers through his blond locks, "It's like I'm the token Brit. I wish we could go forth with your idea."

Joe sighed. Yes, the brunet had an idea. A perfect idea that would help his career as well as make sure people like his boyfriend, like ben's host family kids could all join in on the fun.

"It's coming along. I promise. But till then, I think this is good. A good practice for something big that we create together." Joe assured him.

Assurance. Ben could not lie. There was a time when Ben missed the push and pull of Joseph. It was exciting. Now Joe was just...Joe. No fight. Just there. And Ben loved that Joe too. He loved every bit of the man. It took Ben only a night of missing the push and pull that made Ben realize that he had gotten used to being used. Used as a crutch for gay men to come out and be free. He listened and was patient. But most of those men saw him as just that. A crutch. That was it. Joe saw him as so much more. There was chemistry there. There was amazing sex and a healthy bit of bickering sprinkled about music and literature and so on. No longer was Ben fighting to find something, someone that made him feel worthwhile. Ben found that with Joe and visa-Versa.

The play Ben joins, on the other hand, didn't end up worth his while. He was used as a token and the blond had a lot to learn. He felt foolish for jumping the shark and his first acting gig in years tanked.

It doesn't help that it's debut at the beginning of April meant that he was just months away from leaving his life, his host family and Joe to return to England.

"And they rejected my first draft of my play. Assholes." Joe grumbled, reading the email on his laptop with Ben lying on his bed, trying not to think about the shitty reviews he got.

"I can't stay on. I will look like a damn fool." Ben lifted himself from the bed, hiding his face in his hands as he continued to speak, "I have two months left and I thought this theatre was my way of staying here. Even if it's part-time, it was something. I knew dancing was not going to amount to anything but I kind of hoped I would make connections for ing better when I realized how much I loved my host family and living here. Instead, I was met with a bunch of bigots and creeps."

Joe gave the blond a hint of a smirk, "I could've told you that."

Ben gave him a playful slap on the shoulder, "OH, why don't you shut it? I'm serious. This is serious. The play was supposed to be my way of staying here. Getting something full-time and I don't know, eventually NYC or Hollywood."

"I knew you had big dreams in that noggin of yours."

"I've always had big dreams. But I've also had quite a few setbacks. Relationships. Gigs. I never wanted to be in my 20s searching for something that gave me a purpose to come out with nothing. I wanted to help others. And I didn't want to be a teacher," Ben shuddered, "So I left. For the big US of A., I knew this wasn't forever about I hoped it would give me some clue of where to go next."

Joe drew a hand forward and cupped Ben's cheek, "You found me.."

"Thank god. Though I don't know how that's going to save us. I don't mean it like we are going to break up but I don't know if I can find a substantial job to keep my work visa past June."

Joe kissed Ben's temple, "We will figure something out."

Only they didn't. For the next few months, Ben looked for odd jobs that perhaps could help extend his visa but Ben didn't have many qualifications outside of a certificate from an acting academy that he finished in his early 20s. And yes, his host family told him time and time again that they would keep him on for another year but they didn't need him. The boys were doing great all on their own and Analise was already an independent woman. He was an older brother with a funny accident, nothing more. And now that funny older brother had to take his accent where it belonged.

"So this is goodbye?" Joe questioned, getting a bit choked up as Ben stood in front of him, suitcases at his hands and another bag slung over his shoulder.

"No, of course, it's not. Joseph, we've been over this. This is not forever. You are just as much my family as my host family now. I will find a way back and you and my host family are allowed to the UK anytime."

"There has to be something..something to change this," Joe questioned though he already knew the answer. He tried his damn hardest to get the theater to reconsider Ben's role as well as his play and even an application to assistant direct. Over and over again, he was met with rejection. But the brunet kept on. This can't be the end of Ben and Joe. No, he won't believe it.

"Ready for the drive to JFK?"

Joe swallowed hard, trying to keep his composure though he knew all too well that he will lose it at the airport ."

"Joseph, please don't start now. I need you as my emotional support while I say goodbye to my host family."

"Oh god, that's going to make me tear about too. Damn you, Benjamin." Joe tried to make this a joke, so he chuckled a bit but it was a sad excuse for how he felt.

Was this goodbye to the little life he created with such a beautiful, patient, amazing boyfriend? Was Joe going to have to start from square one again (even though he just came out...again). And though he didn't want to admit it out loud, in his heart, he believed that what he had with Ben was the real thing.

Never would they have thought (and perhaps that was naive of them), that in only three months, the plans to make a life and a career for the two men, crumbled before their very eyes.