we're broken people. (Wattys 2019)

Josh//

Tyler still wasnt back when i woke up. I wonder if hes okay. I hope he is.

Seeing how it was my first official, full day, a nurse came in my room at 8:00 to fetch me for breakfast. She ibtroduced herself at Jenna and led me down the hallway on the way to the cafeteria. Along the way, she explained how eating would work for me.

"Obviously, we know how hard eating is for you. You arent expected to eat at every meal and arent expected to eat much. All that we ask of you is that you try. Some of our specialist think it would be best to see if you can just try drinking something, like milk or orange juice, and see how wrll it stays down. You wont be starting on meds yet because you won't be able to keep them down. But you do need to try to keep stuff down, okay? You have one week from today to show us that you're making progress or we have no chouce but to take extreme measures to prevent malnutrition."

I nodded numbly. At least they didnt expect much from me but what does 'extreme measures' mean? That sounds terrifying. I don't want that to happen.

I followed Jenna into the cafeteria and she led me to the food line. The plate with my name on it had a couple slices of fruit and a small glass of some type of juice. Jenna told me it was apple.

I picked up the tray and looked around, finally spotting Tyler and heading over to him. Before i was too far away, Jenna reached out and grabbed my arm. "Remember," she said, "you dont have to eat it all. Just do what you can."

I nodded quickly before rushing over to the table tyler was at. He seemed lost in thought and didn't look up when I say down, rather noisily, across from him. His food sat forgotten on his plate and his eyes were glazed over with a red hue.

I quietly said his name to get his attention and his eyes suddenly snapped up. The change in lighting must've taken away the red from his eyes. He apologised quickly and then started eating his food.

"Where were you? I was worried."

Tyler looked surprised. "They didnt tell you?" I shook my head in confirmation before he continued. "Were both not stable enough to be together. I do bad things in my sleep and that triggers your panic attacks."

It made sense and i nodded a little. "Did you do anything last night?"

"I didn't sleep last." I could see the bags under his eyes. Then he held up his glove clad hands. "And i cant even scratch anymore."

Disappoint dripped from his voice. I frowned a little bit but noticed he at least had new bandages peaking out from his shirt sleeve.

"You should eat." Tyler told me. "Its almost time for one on one therapy." I looked at the clock, now reading 8:47. I sipped some of the juice. As of right now, it stayed in my stomach pretty well, not causing much nausea. I took a couple more sips before i couldnt do anymore and turned in my tray.

The nurse i handed my plate to looked at the name on the plate and then wrote something down clipboard. Of course I'm being monitored.

This place made me feel so claustrophobic. Everyone was watching my every move and i was never alone. Nothing was private.

I felt a presence behind me as my breathing started to become shallow. A hand gently touched my back and whispered, "i know its not okay but we can be not okay together. Can i help you?

Friends."

I nodded and my breathing returned to normal. I turned around to be met with warm brown eyes. I threw my arms around him and just held onto him tight. "Thank you."

He nodded against my chest and held me just as tightly, only letting go when i started to loosen my grip. A couple of nurses were huddled near us, waiting to intervene if something got worse. The nurse who had wlaked me to breakfast, jenna came over and sked if everything was okay and i reassured her it was.

"Okay, its time to head to single therapy and ill show you the way again, josh. Tyler, you are welcome to join us and will will also show you to your assigned room."

Tyler nodded and followed on my heels as jenna walked us through the hospital. We stopped at a nondescript door and jenna announced, "this is your stop Tyler. You're counselors name is Sarah. She's super friendly. Just yell if you need anything she cant provide, okay?"

Jenna gave him a warm smile and turned around as soon as he nodded. I could hear the door open and close behind me as tyler entered the room. My room was just one turn away from Tyler's, down a different hall. Jenna pointed to it and gave me the same rundown she gave Tyler. My counselors name was Gerard, but sometimes people just call him 'G'

She added some extra support on for me. "Make sure you talk to him, okay josh? He cant help you if he doesnt know the problem. Be honest. Its okay to feel sad when you're in there. It happens. But you need to tell him. Ill see you later." And then jenna walked away and left me standing alone in front of the therapy door.

Hesitantly, i turned the knob and open the door, terriefied of what was inside

A/N

Why am i never enough?

¤ unedited
¤ wc// 955