Take My Hands Now

Chapter 11

He reminded himself over and over again that he is not allowed to get used to this, he cannot possibly have anyone, he should not start getting attached. To accept you now is to have someone to lose again.

But here you were... holding him again and again, even after he pushes you away, again and again. Why did you believe that he was not the part he played? The character that he portrayed just so that he can lie to himself that even if everyone leaves him, they were right anyway?

"Even if it hurts, I'm not leaving", was all you said.

He recalls all the instances you offered up yourself to share his pain... Even in this moment, you held him steadfast in your arms as though you were not afraid of that awful feeling resonating from within him. He should at least let you in, no, he wants to let you in.

He starts to cower a little inside your arms, and he raises his hands to return your embrace. You felt his hands on your back, jolts of pain spread across where he held onto you. Then he snuggles his face into the curve of your neck, you felt a tiny droplet of something. Now your heart hurt way more than your body ever could.

"It's ok", you whispered, to assure him that you were ok, and that he was going to be ok too.

He only pulls you in closer.

—

The moon shone bright as you walked with Jungkook back to the university. He wanted to send you back to your dorms but you insisted that he was the one who needed to be dropped off instead, so you both ended up heading to his practice room lair. On the way, he filled you in on what had happened.

"Do you hate them? Is that why you ran away?", you asked.

He didn't answer. Did he hate them?

—

"You've been sleeping here these few days?", you were appalled as you walked into the messy room.

"Yeah, I've been spending the past few nights here, although there is hardly any sleeping involved...", he moves to sit down on the couch, resting both elbows on his thighs, his hands soothing over his eyebrows.

You see a pillow strewn on the floor and you picked it and dropped it nearer to the head of the couch before plopping yourself onto it.

"Are you tired? You can sit here", he flicked his head, gesturing the empty space next to him on the sofa.

Shaking your head, you replied as you sat cross-legged on the floor, "I'm not leaving tonight till I see you fall asleep."

"But I can't...", he quipped.

"Then I'm not leaving this pillow", you shrugged, "... let's see... oh right I have a morning class tomorrow and then I gotta go to work after that. Guess I'll just be really tired out since you wouldn't sleep."

He doesn't say anything, only just stares at you, knowing how relentlessly stubborn you can be. Almost begrudgingly, he lies down on the couch, resting his head on the side facing you.

His eyes lock with yours, just long enough for him to read all your features like a bedtime story. Then he closes his eyes in contentment, trying to lull himself to sleep so that you can get some rest too.

You mentally commended yourself for having formulated the tactic of dealing with this boy. He doesn't care about himself, but he cares about you. You smiled to yourself.

—

Jungkook's eyes flutter open, it was too bright at first and he resorted to squinting. When his vision finally came into focus, he thought he must still be in his dreams. Your face rested so close to him, leaning against the armrest of the sofa, having fallen asleep from watching over him last night.