In Loving Memory

CHAPTER 1

 A/N Hey guys! I really enjoy writing and I hope you enjoy this book! please be patient with updates and comment and like!!! Love you all xxx -M

After a long day at school, I am glad to finally have some time to myself. I already ate supper so I shouldn't be bothered for the rest of the night. I walk over to my desk in the corner of the room, unlock the top right drawer, and pull out my notebook. I sit with my legs crossed on the bed and begin to write.

I have found myself writing more and more as May 23rd gets closer and closer. May 23rd was the day my brother was killed, and this year marks his one year anniversary.

Jesse was killed when he was driving home late from football practice and was hit by a drunk driver. To make things worse it was a hit and run, and he had been dead for an hour when the police found him. The funeral was had two days later.

Jess and I were very close, he wasn't only my older brother, but my best friend. He was one of the popular kids at my school, you know with him being a jock and all, and everyone loved him. So, of course, they were very distraught when they heard the news. You could say he was popular both in life and in death. The whole school had a moment of silence, there was a bench put in the flower garden at the front of the school in memory of him, and flowers and cards were delivered to the house! The best present of all though was Jess, the teddy bear that Samuel MacIntyre had bought me. It is a beautiful chocolate brown colour and is holding a bright blue heart with Jesse's name sewed onto it.

Even though Jess was loved by everyone, he still had his crowd and you had to be pretty special to be apart of it. Even though I am three years younger than him, Jesse let me hang out with them. When he died I was devastated, I stayed locked in my room for a whole week and didn't come out. My mom baked tons of chocolate chip cookies since they were my favourite and because she always bakes when she is upset. It was about 2 months after Jesse's death that she opened up her very own bakery called "Sugar Rush" and I help her out in the bakery on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Though things at school took a turn for the worse. One good thing came out of Jesse's death though, and that was Samuel. Sam was one of Jess' best friends. He is tall, muscular, has gorgeous floppy black hair, a cool tattoo, and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. Like the bottom of the ocean.

When Jess died Sam was also really upset, and even though we were fairly close before he died, we became best friends after. I don't see much of Sam anymore though because he is at University. We still text each other back and forth during the week, and he comes to visit every Saturday. If I was having a rough night, he would even stay over. It still isn't the same as it used to be, where he would come over every day after school, and I miss that, but at least I still get to see him.

Since Jesse died I have been using writing as an escape. An escape of the world and everything in it. It hasn't been difficult to come up with material and ideas to continue my story, in fact, I don't even have to think about it much anymore. The ideas just come to me, although I like to think they come from my brother. He was the only other person who knew about my writing. Now I am alone with my secret. I haven't even told Sam! Not because I don't trust him, but because I write a lot about my brother and I don't want to upset him.

I love Sam. He has been so sweet and kind to me since Jesse died, he helps me when I get really upset and lonely, and he has always been there for me, and me for him. We have helped each other through it. I miss Jess so much and sometimes writing upsets me because it brings back memories, and Sam would come in and find me lying on the bed, drowning in tears. He would run over with a worried look on his face and dry my tears with the sleeve of his sweater. That was before he went to University. Now, whenever I get upset I have to call him, so he can calm me down over the phone, or talk to my parents. I hug Jesse (the bear) to my chest and start to cry. I miss Sam a lot while he's at University but particularly now, what with Jess' anniversary coming up in a few weeks, and I wish he was here right now to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I wish that Saturday would come really fast and stay forever so he will never have to leave me again.

My phone starts to ring. I pick it up and check the caller I.D, It's Sam!!"

"Alex! how are you?" He asks the second I pick up.

"I'm fine," I say wiping away a stray tear. I need to blow my nose. I grab a tissue from the nightstand and blow hard.

"Are you sure?" He asks, sounding worried. "Yeah, yeah I'm okay" I answer my eyes filling with tears again.

Normally I would tell him what's wrong but I don't want to tell him over the phone, afraid that he might come a few days early and miss his classes.

"You sound more like you are trying to convince yourself of that, more than me" he replies.

I don't answer. I thought that talking to him would help, but in fact, it has just made things worse.

The sound of his voice brings back memories and I just wish he was here with me.

"Alex please tell me what's wrong. You can't tell me you're fine, I'm your best friend and I know you're not" I hear him say.

"I..I can't" I stammer as I wipe yet more tears from my face.

If I keep crying like this, I'm going to have no water left in my body, I'm going to die of dehydration.

"Why not?" he asks in his soft voice, the voice he uses when he is trying to calm me down.

Just then my hands start shaking uncontrollably, I feel sick to my stomach, and the room is spinning. I can hear Sam on the other end screaming my name over and over, but I am frozen and am unable to respond. His voice is sounding farther and farther away. Then everything goes black...