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Breland Sunday, April 21
8:05 p.m.
I don't know how long I've been here but, I'm having a good time. I can't remember the last time I've smiled this big.
We've all been talking and joking around and they've gotten to know me pretty well at this point. They know quite a lot about me now, besides the personal shit, mom, Jack, or dad.
They don't know the "dark shit" about me I guess. They don't need to know the bad shit. It's my private life and I would like to keep it that way.
Anyway, hanging with the losers has been fun, like I said; Mike has been really nice in trying to include me in everything and even Bev started talking to me again.
I hope she's okay now, I didn't like how she was acting for a bit. I don't care if she's my friend but I'm not heartless I do care if she's okay.
I can't say the whole group is very happy that I'm here though, whenever I try talking to Eddie he ignores me, scoffs at me, or even sarcastically reply's to me, it puts the group in an awkward place.
Why does he hate me? I never did anything to him besides yell at him, I mean I still do need to apologize but he doesn't have to be so nasty towards me.
He isn't the only one putting the group in tense or awkward silence, Richie never misses a beat when hitting on me and is constantly trying to flirt with me.
I've tried to keep my cool as best I can but I let some nasty words fall from my mouth every here and there.
Besides that I'm enjoying everyone else's company greatly.
Right now I'm just sitting in Mikes field by myself, I got a chance to sneak away and I'm really appreciating my time alone. I think I like having company but I always need to have a few minutes by myself.
They haven't seemed to notice I've been gone for a bit, they must be having a pretty lively conversation.
Looking at the stares in the sky, it makes me calm. Like, i'll be okay. I've always liked the night more then day, I feel like I have all the time in the world when it's night. When I can see the sun start to rise I feel sad, like actually sad.
I don't know, it's hard to explain. But I feel perfectly okay all by myself.
"Hey."
I swing my head around as Mike happily sits down next to me. I give him a small smile, a slight sadness pings in me from the lack of alone time but nonetheless I let him sit.
"Hi."
I stare back up at the sky, trying to count all of the stares that I can, "What are you doing?"
I breath out, my smile growing slightly.
"Counting the stares."
I can hear him chuckle beside me. I look at him confused and kind of offended.
