stuff we did | tenya iida

day nine

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Iida puts his hand on my shoulder today. The action sends shivers down my entire body. I guess I've been pretty touch starved all my life. My mom and dad were always kind to me, but I didn't like being touched so they listened. Nowadays I craved that feeling.

Iida's hands are warm and large. They're calloused from years of hero training, but Iida is gentle, and so it makes up. He smiles at me more, too. Not that I think he knows it's me- no I'm certain he doesn't even speculate it's me. I just think the letters have put him in an overall better mood.

I write him a new one, knowing he'll appreciate it. 

Dear Tenya Iida,

I cried yesterday. It was the first time in a year or so. I guess I've been out of touch with my emotions. My mood swings have gotten worse. There wasn't a particular reason I started crying really. I just did. The song that started playing though- that set it off. I'm waiting. Waiting to tell you the song. I will one day, I promise. 

I look down at my hands and I am angry. My hands have caused so much damage. My heart has raged wars, my mouth has caused tears. My head has created obsession. Sometimes I hate myself. God, I hate myself so often. But I'm covering it. I'm good at covering it. 

I think I've always been afraid of being vulnerable. This is the first time I've been vulnerable in forever. I'm so scared, Iida. You're going to be dissapointed with me when you find out who I am. I just know it. Outside of these letters, you're dissapointed in me. I'm sorry Iida. I will not be the lover you expected. Best Friend- Rex Orange County.

'Cause right now I see all these people that love me, but I still feel alone.... 

And that's because I wanna be your favorite boy, I wanna be the one that makes your day, the one you think about as you lie awake I can't wait to be your number one, 

I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine.

Sincerely, Your Secret Admirer.

This time, I get to see Iida read the letter. He reads it at breakfast. He looks sad by the end of it. Great, I made him sad before school. He runs off to his room and a good hour later comes out with a new letter and CD. 

Dear Secret Admirer,

Unless you were Mineta, I'm not dissapointed. You have proven you love me. No matter who you are, it will take me time to adjust. But you won't disappoint me. Regardless of who you are, I plan on kissing you. Sincerely, there's not a single reason I wouldn't. I know this much: you're a guy and you're not who you appear to me. 

I've crossed Midoriya off my list of people it could be, as well as Kaminari because he's an idiot and I would have caught him by now. I doubt you're Tokoyami because I know his music taste and he wouldn't listen to the pop you do. (Not that pop is bad- it's just not Tokoyami.) Rather than that, it could be anyone. As I've said you could be in class 1-b or c. Hell, you could be older than me. You could be everyone collectively playing a prank on me. Who knows. 

Tomorrow is the dance. I'll see you there. 

I want you to be happy. I want you to feel okay. I want you to know that I love you. I picked out a happier song for you. Always Be My Baby- Mariah Carey. 

And we'll linger on 

Time can't erase a feeling this strong, no way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

Sincerely, Tenya Iida.

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