Buzzfeed, Boys, Black Magic

the solar eclipse viewing party

I managed to pull into the Newton Center's parking lot at 3:29.

I expected to find the place abandoned. Imagine my shock, then, when I saw throngs of people crowding around the Newton Center's front door.

There were hardly any available parking spots. When I found one, I parked as quickly as I could and literally ran toward the entrance, while searching my keyring for my work key. It took me until I was dead in the middle of the crowd to realize that the people who had gathered there weren't eagerly awaiting an eclipse viewing party. They were protestors.

As I tried to swerve around one doomsday prepper, a tinfoil-hat obstructed my way with a poster board sign, upon which "HELLWORLD" had been written in flame-colored bubble letters. Before I could find an alternate path to the front door, I felt hot breath on the back of my neck.

"I remember her! It's a deep state shill!" A man shouted behind me. "She told my kids the earth was round!"

And with that, the mob turned its attention on me.

"Eugenicist!" A granola woman growled at me.

"Pedophile sympathizer!"

"Don't disrespect our FLAG!"

Someone grabbed me. So this, I thought, this is how I die.

I closed my eyes and prepared for death, when the hands that had clasped around my arms suddenly released me. I opened my eyes.

Janice stood on top the barrel chest of a protestor, bloody python-cleaver in her hands.

The mob around us seemed stunned into brief inaction.

"Get inside!" Janice hissed at me, "and next time use the back door like a professional!"

I darted to the front door as the mob turned on Janice. I thought to hold the door open for her. I looked behind me. Janice sliced the face of a mouth-foaming anti-vaxer.

"Shut the damn door, Mary Beth," she called over her shoulder. "This ain't my first rodeo!"

"But," I shouted through the opened crack of the door, "don't you also believe the earth is flat?"

"Loyalty first, kid!" She smiled at me, then swung her cleaver between the eyes of a clawing flat-earther.

As I walked to the planetarium, I passed Dr. Moreno standing by the lobby's large glass windows. She chewed on her nails.

"Poor Janice," I said as blood splattered on the window nearest to us.

"I knew I never should have advertised the party on Twitter," Dr. Moreno sighed, "but what the board wants, the board gets."

She pulled out her iPhone.

"Calling the cops?" I asked.

"Are you crazy?" Dr. Moreno cringed. "The last thing we need is the brown shirts involved." She started filming the riot. "I'm going to tweet Anifa. Call in reinforcements."

***

Aside from the mob violence, the viewing party was a low-key event.

I switched on NASA's live stream at 3:45. Janice came back inside at about 3:50. She wore a bloodied crystal necklace I hadn't seen before. I assume she had taken it off one of the protestors, but we didn't talk about that.

For most of the eclipse, the only people "partying" were Newton Center staff, Cody, Ky, few other furries, and seven Wiccans meditating on the planetarium floor.

***

The total solar eclipse started at 4:07 AM. At first, I was scared. By 4:08 AM, when much of the Kalahari was swathed in eerie midday darkness, I was shaking-terrified. By 4:15 AM, when the moon had passed beyond the path of the sun, I felt nothing at all.

***

The viewing party officially ended at 5:00 AM. It unofficially ended at 11:30 AM, when I had to wake Dr. Moreno up from her tequila stupor. I walked Ky and Cody to the Center's side doors. And then I crept to the lobby's large windows to survey the damage.

The crowd of protestors thinned out when the counter-protestors arrived and started throwing Mountain Dew bottles full of piss at them. By now, there was no one left. The parking lot was empty, save for a summer camp bus that arrived mid-morning.

I walked outside and checked the sidewalk for evidence of the violence. All I found the same HELLWORLD poster, now bloodied and reeking of urine. I thought about picking it up and disposing it somewhere, but I didn't have rubber gloves.

"Looks like the viewing party was lit," a familiar voice said behind me.

I turned around.

The late morning sun haloed Rafi's blonde head. He was beautiful. I loved him.

"Hey," I mumbled.

"I really meant to attend," Rafi eyed the poster, "but I smoked a little too late last night and didn't wake up till 10. Slept right through the alarm."

"You wanted to come to the viewing party?" I asked. "You set an alarm?"

"How else would I get to see you bartend?" He smirked.

I blinked.

"Come on, let's get lunch," he said. "You look like you can use some fries, and I have some excellent news."

He took my hand. My stomach dropped.

***