Buzzfeed, Boys, Black Magic

pumbaa, redux

We both knew I needed to go back to my car. I'd probably get a ticket if I left it parked at the Wendy's too long.

Ticket or not, I dragged my feet as we left. On the way out of Rafi's room, I noticed on a yellowed paper disc resting on the top of one opened cardboard box. The National Geographic Kids planisphere Rafi used on our field trip to Eastside's planetarium. Something compelled me to stop and pick it up. I spun it around until I could see the Nemean lion. I admired how perfect the planisphere was. No rips, no wrinkles. Just yellowed from age.

Rafi must have noticed I wasn't following him, because I heard his footsteps fade and then get louder. I looked up. He leaned against the door frame.

"Yeah," he gestured at the planisphere with his head, "I wasn't going to toss that out. Wasn't going to take it with me, though. Wasn't sure what to do."

I thought about the last time I saw my planisphere. Crumpled and grass stained. I lost it in the woods on South Mountain, or maybe that's just what my parents told me. Maybe they threw it out when the wet summer air made the ink bleed beyond legibility. 

It didn't seem fair, I thought, that every piece of Rafi's childhood could remain so intact.

"You know," I heard myself say, "I had this exact planisphere when I was five. From National Geographic Kids magazine." A little more than a week ago, I refused to reveal that weird coincidence to him. Now there was nothing to lose.

"No kidding?" Rafi smiled, "Do you keep yours in a cardboard box in your bedroom too?"

"Lost it in the woods on South Mountain." I set the planisphere back on its cardboard box.

"Ah dang. It's good paper quality. It would have lasted all these years."

"Yeah, probably wouldn't have lasted for me," I said. "It was crumpled and falling apart by the end of the summer. I loved it too much."

I started walking again toward the bedroom door. Rafi held my gaze for a little longer than what was comfortable.

***

Rafi drove me back to the Wendy's, and I got back in my car. He teased me for leaving it unlocked and asked me if that was something I always do. I asked him when he'd be leaving.

"Friday," he said, "Day after tomorrow."

"Do I see you again?" I asked.

He sucked in his lips.

"I don't know."

***

I didn't see Rafi before his flight on Friday.

I slept most of Thursday. Then I watched mirrored episodes of Scrubs on YouTube. I drank ginger ale and ate Dorritos and multiple packages of ramen. Every time my phone buzzed, I felt my heart rate pick up. Rafi didn't ask me to see him before he left. Instead, Abby sent me some pictures of her things packed up. "Move in day!" she captioned them, like a yuppie. I no longer felt happy she was moving in with Mike. I wasn't unhappy, necessarily. I just wondered how many good things could happen to other people while my bad luck compounded itself.

I sent Abby a celebratory "yay!" text and then I debated flushing my phone down the toilet. Before I could, it buzzed again. This time was an email. From Ethan.

Subject line: Got a DeLorean Update.... Just wait till I can go 88mph!

How comical. I marked it, unread, as spam.

I scrolled down my inbox and saw an unopened email containing the resume Rafi edited for me. I couldn't bring myself to read it. Instead, I composed a new email. To avoid any kind of digital disaster, I left the recipient blank. And then, I spilled out what was left of my guts.