Through thick and thin - BxB

Chapter 1

Hi, y'all. I think I'll just introduce myself first.

I am Fynn Anderson, a 16-year-old Highschool student. My Dad is Michael Anderson- not the director, but the richest man in our town. He is the founder and CEO of a very large European fitness center chain. 

European? You probably ask yourself know. Yes. I am European! But not some fancy guy from the UK with a hot British accent (who just magically appears in a person's room and makes them fall in love with me)- NOPE.

We used to live in Germany before my dad got rich and decided to move to America you know...because he can.

Sounds good right?

But I have to disappoint you again: No, I am not the hot Highschool jock with rich parents, a lot of friends and a hot girlfriend.

LOL. I am far from that.

I am a basic Highschool student. My grades are not tooo bad, I am not one of the jocks, yes my parents are rich but that doesn't mean that I have loads of friends - I have 2. Lucy and Arlo.

And girlfriend? Hell no! I've probably eaten too many Skittles in my life because I am very much gay. And very much outed. Everybody knows - my parents, my friends, the school. It's not a big deal around here, to be honest. Of course, some people make jokes and all and my dad would have preferred to have a straight son. But you know. He can change it as much as I can.

Not at all.

But there is one thing about me that my parents DO want to change. Since my Dad is the founder of a fitness center chain and my Mom used to be a personal trainer sport and a healthy diet is a big deal in my family. But I am not exactly...sporty. And to be honest, yes I am a little bit chubby.

Sometimes I really think I'm adopted...I literally don't fit in this family- at all.

And I really do hate myself for the way I look. And I take all the responsibilities for that but I have really strong sugar cravings on a daily basis and then I'm just...eating. And I can't stop.

I even sneak unhealthy food in the house because my parents always give me pejorative and judging looks when I eat something unhealthy...and these looks hurt. They hurt really much...but I can't really control my eating. And my self-hate is increasing with every pound I gain. I even avoid mirrors.

But my parents are not just looking at me judging when I am eating. They basically do it all the time and this is even worse. It's like...I am talking to them but they don't look in my eyes. They scrutinize my whole body. And this is literally the worst...

And I've tried to lose weight! So so so often. But it never really worked...

Once I barely ate anything, I did a lot of sports and yes: I lost a lot of weight. But in such an unhealthy way that it didn't take long until I gained every bit of it again...and even more.

The short time I had a healthy weight my parents were so proud of me, bragging with my success in front of their friends (Yes. It was horrible.). And they were generally just super nice and supportive.

But as the weight came back they started to judge me again. Even worse than before...

I don't really have a problem with sports. I actually do like it...sometimes. But just the thought of going out and doing sport is giving me so much anxiety I can't really explain why...

Every time I leave the house in sports clothing I feel like everyone is staring at me the way my parents do...and I really hate it.

"Oh look there is an elephant in a Nike shirt, should we take a picture?"

"How is he even able to run?"

"Can someone push this whale back in the ocean?!"

- things nobody ever said to me, but I am pretty sure people (or my parents) think things like that all the time.

Lucy and Arlo don't really know how I feel. I don't know it's kind of weird to tell 'Real-life-people' your feelings. In fact, I never really show how I feel about my weight and all. I am a very strong person. At least in front of others. But I do have my moments...like probably every human being in this universe. And I know that it's okay to be weak sometimes. But I just can't in front of my friends...It's weird I know. I guess I just don't wanna talk about the fact that I am fat with my family or friends.

With one little exception. There is this guy I've met online about a year ago. Max. He is literally my better half. We have the same humor- he literally makes me laugh all the time! As well as a same understanding of life. We're supporting each other, no matter what. We both have...special families and I don't know. We just completely get each other. He's always there for me when I have a mental breakdown about my weight and he always tells me that I am beautiful and that I should stop worrying. He also helped me with my coming out. And yeah. I just love him so so much.

Even though we've never met each other in real life. Because that's what you get making friends online: Great people who live on the other fucking end of the planet.

Max lives in Austria. We've met on Twitter, fanboying about a Norwegian series called "SKAM". And yeah...that's how you make friends on the internet. Fanboying in capslock and with WAY too many emojis about a cute gay scene on your stan twitter account.

The Internet - amazing.

But I think that's all I can tell you about me at this point. I'm a pretty average and boring person. And I'm fat.