DANGEROUS DESIRE (REWRITING)

XVII

I weakly opened my eyes just in time to see him waking out of my room I felt droopy watching him leave I tried calling him back I opened my mouth and nothing came out I suddenly got sleepy once again before I knew it I lost consciousness

Dear diary:
I'm hurting

I'm hurting in so many ways no one can imagine.
No one knows what I'm going through
Not being harsh to myself but I can't help but hate myself
I can't help but be disgusted
I get it no one likes me everyone I correspond with hurts me and leaves me broken then I have to start all over again
So many unshed tears for so many reasons
I'm just sorry I have to be in everyone's life if only the clock could've turned and things could have been done differently after all I'm a mistake that shouldn't have happened I know everyone is tired of me tired of seeing me tired of being around me
It's hard
Keeping up with life is hard.

I put away the book and laid in my bed tears started flowing I let them flow.

I tossed around in my bed not being able to sleep when I close my eyes memories of what he did haunt me in different scenarios I fucking hate him there are no words to explain what I'm feeling now I got off the bed taking a pillow and a blanket I left my room and I walked out of the room and went outside

I sat by the pool staring at the water I didn't know I was crying until I felt a tear fall on my hand he used and abused me god knows what else he did to me while I was out or if he let anyone touch me gosh, I'm so stupid maybe I'm better off dead

Zathrian POV

"What have you become?" my mom asks looking at me in disbelief

I rolled my eyes, "Ma, what are you talking about?"

"The bruises on that girl her neck her face why?" she cried

she's so fucking soft she cries for everything

"Ma you're wasting my time, my time is very expensive," I told her

"Who is she?" she asks

"Ma, you need not to know that," I said

"Zathrian you hit her god knows what else you did to her" she cried

"Ma stop with all the bullshit and unnecessary crying its pathetic, I didn't hurt her things got out of control, a little rough," I told her

"What have you become?" She cries

"A monster, woman beater oh my god" she gasps covering her mouth while looking at me in disbelief and disappointment I rolled my eyes

"I just lost my son, and you lost a mother," she says and walks away slamming the door

"Fuck" I cursed running a hand through my hair

Avyanna POV

It's early morning, and I barely slept I keep getting these flashbacks

I laid on my back silently crying like I did every night when Lucio was alive I've fallen back in that place and it's all because of Zathrian he will regret it all and he will pay