Good Omens Crowley and Aziraphale shorts--Ineffable Husbands PWPs and fluff

The Return of the Serpent

Like the second of two omake scenes that are not going to make it into The Entire Bloody Boring Fourteenth Century, because I am committed to Crowley POV for it, but I wanted to write it anyway.

Crowley finally gets a new corporation after the unfortunate incident with Warwick and Lancaster, and goes to find his angel. Circa about 1327 CE.

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The people of Canterbury were no longer known for their piety. Over a quarter of them had died of starvation in the last terrible years, as Famine stalked the land, and there was barely anyone to sew the new crops. Prayers had been useless; they turned and railed against God and the papacy for the horrors they saw around them, the rumours of cannibalism and infanticide as desperate people fought for life. Even now, years after the Great Famine had passed, the people were starving, seed stocks depleted, not enough labour, and the Church had proved worthless to save them.

They had time for Brother Ezra, though.

He looked as well-nourished as any priest, but worked in the fields uncomplainingly by their sides in village after village, pale skin glistening with sweat, and there was something about him that made seeds he went by sprout quicker, protected crops he touched with a soft hand from the killing mould, made them produce double heads of grain, huge tubers. People brought their children to him for blessing, and their cheeks grew less hollow and pinker. It will get better, Brother Eza would say, Have faith. The weather is back to normal. The crops will grow again. Famine is retreating to find a new playground. Children will endure in this place. His muddy blue eyes would fill with tears, but his voice rang like a bell of prophecy.

The last true man of God, people said. A saint. And they whispered, an angel.

So when he was finally resting and drinking some thin beer and a huge black snake slithered out of the undergrowth and wrapped itself around him, farming implements were raised to strike as soon as they could kill the monster without harming him.

"No, no, it's quite all right," Ezra said, and he looked... Surprised. Happy. They had never seen him look happy, the sadness lifting, joy sparking his eyes. He looked like a different person, suddenly. "This is an old friend, one I haven't seen for a long time." He scratched the massive serpent head that pressed against his, and it flicked a long tongue against his cheek.

"But it's a snake!" squeaked one child.

"He's God's creature all the same, John." The snake hissed, apparently annoyed, and he chided it gently. "You know it's true, Crowley, whether you like it or not."

"Crawly?" John asked. "It suits him." The snake hissed again, but in a more friendly tone, and slid down to curl in a circle on Ezra's lap.

He stroked it with two fingers, smiling softly. "There. I've missed you more than I should admit, my dear. I was afraid you would never return from under the ground."

"He's pretty," said Alys, John's twin. She reached out a tentative hand, and Ezra showed her how to use two fingers to pet the snake with a feather-light touch.

"Unfortunately he knows just how pretty he is," Ezra said, sighing. The snake hissed in a smug way, and the children laughed.

The twins' father relaxed. "It's like he understands what you are saying. Even the beasts of the field love you." A strange look sparked in Ezra's mobile features, and his lashes fluttered, his cheeks reddening.

"But Ezra," Marion said, her big brown eyes worried, "aren't snakes evil? Weren't they cursed to crawl on their bellies and eat dust for causing humanity's downfall? That's what the Priest said."

"Even evil creatures are children of the Almighty and do Her will—don't you show your fangs at me, dear boy, or I'll make you get off my lap. It's all part of the Ineffable Plan. If there are no choices, no temptations, what is the merit in doing good? There always has to be a choice. Light and dark and all the shades in between." He beckoned to the snake with his arm, and it slid up, wrapping around him in as he stood. "Now, I have work to do. Are you coming, Crowley? I could do with some help. Time to call on the Arrangement."

"I can't believe you'd ever fall to temptation or do wrong," John's father said, the weary look in his eyes of someone who has done things he would rather not in order to keep his children alive. Ezra looked at him with soft, understanding eyes, and patted his arm.

"Oh, I have my own temptations, never fear. This old serpent here, he keeps me on my toes." The snake snuggled against his shoulders and looked as innocent as an unblinking reptile could.

"How can a snake help?" asked John.

"Oh. You'd be surprised what this snake can do, when he wants."