Good Omens Crowley and Aziraphale shorts--Ineffable Husbands PWPs and fluff

To Rescue or Not To Rescue

Kent, 1336 CE

Lady Margaret de Audley, eighteen years old and tolerably beautiful, went to her window and looked down. It was too far, she realised with some satisfaction, for her to attempt to climb out, even if she made a rope ladder out of torn bedsheets. No one could expect her to fall to her death.

She turned back and saw the huge black and red snake on her bed. She tried to shriek in properly maidenly terror, but infernal power clamped down on her voice and she only made a muffled gasp.

"Sssshit, you weren't supposed to see me like that."

The creature blurred and shifted until there was a man sitting on her bed. Quite a good looking man, with glowing red hair, although his eyes were shaded behind glass and he was quite old, older than Ralph, not that Ralph was too old, and of course she wasn't interested in any strange men who could turn into snakes. Or rather, the other way around.

"Going to have to change your memory now. Such a pain in the arse."

"No, don't do that!" Margaret's voice came back. Everything in her dull life had become so terribly interesting in the last few weeks, and she had no intention of losing one moment of the entertainment. "What are you doing here?"

"You're meant to say that with outrage, not like you're enquiring about the weather," the man scowled. "I'm your–" His brow creased. "Grandfather? No... stepfather? That's wrong, too."

"Of course it is." She tried not to stamp her foot. "Papa was still alive last I checked. He–he is still alive?"

The man's brow creased, as if he was checking something. "Yeah, still seems to be around. Anyway, I'm your–" His brow cleared, and he grinned, a grin with too many teeth. "Guardian angel. I'm here to rescue you and take you back to your mother."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why? You were abducted by a wicked knight, right?"

"Oh. Well. Abducted." Margaret coloured prettily.

"Oh, fuck." The serpent man sighed. There was something familiar about him, but Margaret couldn't put her finger on it. "You're as bad as your mother."

"Impertinence."

"It's a compliment. Look, Meg's important to me, or she was, and I'm not going to let her fret herself about her only daughter being abducted, not when Joan Amie–well. Whatever. You're all she has now, and she's coming home, or I'm getting the angel up here, and then you will really regret it. No one can scold like he can. And he uses puppy-dog eyes like a divine weapon, I'm warning you."

"I thought you were the angel."

"Impertinencssssse," he echoed, and darkness swirled up and around him, fire and hissing and starlight and evil and all the temptations hidden in her heart made concrete. She stared, besotted.

"You could at least pretend to be frightened," the not-angel said, sounding put out.

"Sorry?"

"Bad as your mother," he repeated. "Look, what am I supposed to do here? Can I tempt you to come home?"

"If you attempt to rescue me, I will scream and my Ralph will stop you."

"I would like to see either of you try. Look, you're sure this is what you want? From what I hear, the bloke doesn't have a penny, and his estates are paltry."

"I have plenty of wealth, and power can be achieved."

The man grinned. "You're one of ours, I can tell. Oh, all right. I'll find a way to make it up to your mother. Some extra titles or something, she likes those. Good luck, mini-Meg, I'm sure you'll do well in life. The afterlife, well, no bets, but that's your look-out. Ciao."

Somehow she didn't quite see how he vanished. She went to the window again, but couldn't see anyone leaving the keep. Perhaps it had been a vision of some kind. She had drunk quite a lot of beer. Anyway, she had a wedding to prepare for.

It was only much later that she placed the familiarity of the snake. He had looked a lot like the last King's favourite, her mother's first husband.

* * *

"Look, angel, I tried. Have you ever tried convincing Meg of something she didn't want to do? This one's just as bad." Crowley wrapped his arms tighter around Aziraphale, ostensibly to not fall off the bloody horse, and not at all because even though the cloak he was warm and soft and incredibly embraceable.

"Her poor parents."

"They'll be fine, I''ll make sure of it. And–it might help if her new husband had a few blessings come his way. Not that that is my area or anything."

"I'm supposed to bless him for abducting and marrying the daughter of an Earl?" Aziraphale asked primly.

"Meg's daughter. I owe her."

"I suppose so. This was supposed to be a rescue, though."

"I'm not good at rescues. 'M'demon."

"You always seem to be there when I need you."

"That's different." If he tilted his face, just a little, Crowley could press a kiss to the cloaked shoulder in front of him, just gently, so that Aziraphale would be able to pretend not to notice the caress. "You're my adversary. Can't have anyone else knocking you off. Look–I think she's really crazy about him. And there's no way other than this that her parents would let her be with a penniless lord. Think how she must feel, wanting him so badly and being kept apart by an accident of birth."

Aziraphale was quiet for a long time. "I suppose love is a heavenly virtue," he said eventually.

"That's the ticket. And lust is a sin. We're both keeping up the Arrangement."

"I suppose so."

Crowley tightened his grasp, a surge of longing going through him. "Aziraphale, my–"

"We need to get back. The young Prince will be missing us. I never knew a six-year-old human could be so naughty. Positively demonic. Do you know, he threw his new white stockings on the fire because he said he wanted to make them black?"

"All my bad influence, angel," Crowley said happily. "Guess you should hang around Court more often and counteract my wicked wiles."

"I should." Aziraphale's hand moved from the reigns for just a moment, and despite the gloves they were both wearing, Crowley could feel the fingers pass almost convulsively over his own, squeezing desperately, for just a second. "Heaven only knows what you will teach little Edward while I'm away."

"Heaven has nothing to do with it." He leaned his head against Aziraphale's shoulder. Love you, angel, he thought, and demon or not, he could almost feel the answering touch of Aziraphale's heart.

***Notes:

1) The abduction and marriage of Lady Margaret de Audley by Lord Ralph Stafford, whose estates were worth less than a tenth of her personal wealth, was a huge scandal. Ralph had been instrumental in freeing Edward III from the control of his Regent, so Edward supported him. Meg's husband was created Earl of Gloucester to compensate for the abduction of his daughter. Lord Ralph eventually became First Earl of Stafford, and had an impressive career, dying a very rich and powerful man, especially as Margaret inherited the combined wealth and titles of her own parents. He and Margaret had six children together.

2) I started with the idea of writing a 14th Century ficlet for my First Kisses Advent Calendar but realised Aziraphale and Crowley have already kissed in this continuity. I will return to the boys raising the Black Prince eventually–and my other WIPs!–but patience for now, my dears. Most of my writing time is taken up with the Big Bang and a secret project. ;)