Spidey Tot

Uncle Rhodey

Notes:

Hey everyone! You have NO idea how excited I am for this chapter! You could probably tell that we're gonna get some Rhodey and I absolutely adore how this chapter turned out. Probably one of my favorites :) You'll see what I mean!

Something I'm also really excited about is some of the references I make in this chapter. There's an 80s RDJ movie reference (because I love the movie) and you'll know the other wordplay when you see it ;) Let me know what you catch!

Thank you so much for all the support, have fun and stay safe!❤🧡💛💚💙💜

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"Tony! I know you're here!" Rhodey calls into the mansion, trying to keep the anger and frustration out of his voice. His tone settles on something more urgent, but he knows Tony will catch the anger either way. Tony struts into the room with his hands casually in his pockets as if he weren't being yelled for.

"Hello, dear. Did you bring home the milk like I asked?" he asks with an innocent smile.

"Cut the crap. This isn't a joke. Who the hell do you think you are adopting a kid?!" And there it is. The final person in Tony's small, personal circle that he knew would come to question his sanity. He knows he deserves it, but the lack of faith from those closest to him is disconcerting. Is he really that bad? Not ready to face that bombshell, Tony puts on his familiar, overconfident facade.

"Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, adoptive father," he supplies effortlessly as he meanders to the kitchen. He knows it isn't the mature answer, but he says it anyway. If there's anything that can save him, it's coffee. Rhodey, however, stomps after him with a frightening determination.

"Take this seriously! For once in your life, own up to something. You haven't thought this through. This kid is alive, Tony. They remember these things and they aren't as oblivious as you think. He isn't one of your designer suits that you can throw away after you're done with it!" Tony huffs indignantly and turns to face his friend with his eyebrows raised.

"Yes, I'm aware kids aren't oblivious, thanks. Which is why we should keep the shouting down to a minimum before you wake up the Munchkin," Tony states with a calm demeanor. Rhodey's eyes don't break the intense eye contact, but neither do Tony's.

"You have a hell of a lot of explaining to do," Rhodey warns, yet keeps his voice lowered now knowing the kid is asleep close by.

"Well, that all depends on your source," Tony starts. He opens the fridge and pulls out the apple juice. "Did you hear from the adoring public, my lovely assistant, or the head honcho himself?" It then occurs to him that he doesn't have a sippy cup for Peter to drink the juice out of. "J, add some mundane stuff to my latest express order. Kiddy cups, plastic utensils, blankets, yada yada. Have at it." He waves J.A.R.V.I.S. off nonchalantly.

"Of course, Sir. I'll be sure to add more parenting literature to the list," J.A.R.V.I.S. adds, earning a glare from Tony.

"Uh, the news..." Rhodey answers Tony's previous question, momentarily distracted by the other conversation. "Parenting literature, huh?" he echoes as he crosses his arms. Tony attempts to keep his nonchalant attitude.

"Mhm. Can never be too prepared for parenthood." There's a hint of sarcasm to his voice. There's no malice behind it, but there are unspoken words that Rhodey can't place.

"Alright, you have to catch me up here. I mean, you can't stand there and tell me honest to God that you just up and adopted a kid." Rhodey stands expectantly, hoping the explanation is at least decent.

"If you wanted to full rundown, you came to the wrong person. That's Obi's area of 'expertise.'" Tony adds air quotes for effect, then minutely rolls his eyes.