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May 17th, 2016
Bucharest, Romania
. ☾ .
Bucky began to realize that guilt was a lethal thing.
It was cancerous, corrupting the only sane parts of him and leaching it of life. A living tumor prying open his insides with its razor-sharp claws and exposing his raw nerves. Leaving them unprotected against the slashing wind and poisonous rain, baring the damage to the world.
It was unrelenting, constantly ebbing at his consciousness. Demanding attention, a palpable ache in his heart that refused to wane. Only offering him relief when he gave into the dark of the night and his mind fell asleep.
But the most grievous thing about his guilt was not that it was everpresent, not that it hurt his heart, not that it refused to go away.
It was because it was going to hurt her.
He knew if she found out, it would tear an even greater fissure into Allie's glass heart. The core of her being which shone in even the darkest of places, a celestial piece of heaven that beated only for him. An organ he was so fortuitously allowed to hold in his hands which would shatter upon learning his secret. The heart he swore to protect, to guard as if it were his own.
And he thought he was protecting her. Shielding her heart from the pain, from the agony she would feel if she learned that Bucky was the one to kill Howard. Stopping the boot that threatened to step on her heart with his own hand, taking the brunt of the hurt for her. Letting his ivory bones crack so that her own organ wouldn't suffer.
And that was why he swore to never tell her.
"C'mon Buck, just let me have a try."
It had been a few weeks since he relived that memory. Remembering that the Winter Soldier had killed Howard, that he had killed Howard. And Allie had been nothing but perfect, being her ever angelic self every day. Promising to help him remember in any way she could, one of which included her powers.
"No doll, I already told you that I don't want you to do it." He sighed, running his metal fingers through his mop of dark tresses anxiously.
Because he couldn't. He couldn't let her find out.
"But Tony said that I have been getting better. The pills are working so it's not like I am going to accidentally kill you." She pouted, legs folding as she sat perched on their mattress they called a bed.
