Sorry

2 ~ Horizon University

By the time the car comes to a stop  in front of the school, I'm a mess. My hands are trembling and my breathing comes out ragged and irregular. My Dad gets out and stretches so widely that he reminds me of a bear that had just come out of hibernation. However, I stay put: every ounce of confidence pooling into the seat beneath me, getting soaked into the cushioned leather.

"C'mon Jay, we're here!" My mother turns in her seat to face me - a grin etched on her lips.

I swallow the saliva that foams in my mouth and rests heavily on my tongue, "I-I... I s-suddenly don't w-want to go a-any-anymore." I frown.

"Jay," My dad's voice comes in from outside and is so stern, I can hear him as if he's inches from my ears. "You worked so hard for this, of course you want to go!" He continues.

I swallow, shaking my head in the negative, "I d-don't." I chew on my lip and look out at the building that towers, looming over everything that dares come near it. Including me. This building is only a small part of it and it's humongous. 

I already know I'm going to get lost; I know that I'm going to embarrass myself; I know I'm going to mess up before I barely start here. Everyone is going to hate me and I'm going to bullied just like at all the other schools I've been to.  Honestly, now, I just want to forget this University life that I looked forward to for so long and go home!

By now, I know that I've started hyperventilating and if I don't stop, whatever's in my stomach that can be brought up will spew all over the car floor.

"Jay, we're not even late yet but if you sit here considering the entirety of your life that has led up to this moment, then we will be late." He points out, making me panic even more.

"B-but D-d-dad..." I whine, tears welling up in my eyes.

I'm about to live by myself for around 3 whole years. No Mum to talk to me when I have my depressive episodes or when I just need to get my feelings out. I won't have my Dad with me to cheer me on when I feel like shit. The two most important people in my entire life...

"M-mum...Dad..." I choke up. "I..." A sob doesn't allow me to finish my sentence. 

Mum turns around fully. "Jaymie, don't make me cry too." She has tears in her eyes but she's smiling. "We've all been looking forward to this and now the moment is here: go for it love." 

"I-I'll miss y-y-you!" I bury my face in the crook of my arm embarrassed that I'm bawling like a child who doesn't get what he wants. Well, that pretty much is what I am right now - unable to go home when I say I want to. "Idontwannago!" 

"You do want to go, love." Mum reaches through the seats to pat my leg. "You're just nervous and anxious about the whole idea of Uni. But I promise you, you'll be fine. You're going to make friends and take good notes and learn and excel and become a better version of the Jay we already know. You are only disquieted by the idea of a new environment and that's completely fine. Just don't let that fear get the best of you and hinder your talent." She tells me.

Her eyes are shining when she finishes and I know that I will be missing those kind eyes when I find myself in a dorm with someone I hardly even know. 

But I nod nevertheless because I know she's right.

"I-I guess you're r-r-right. P-people don't get b-bullied i-in Uni." I say, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Dad has already begun offloading my luggage. He has been quiet the entire time. I know that he is just upset and he doesn't want to blubber like I am. Mum joins him and I am the last to leave the car, basking in the smell and feeling of it before I leave it for a while.