I Want To Hold Your Hand - McLennon

P.S. I Love You

'I need John...'

Sunday February 19th, 1958 (The Next Day)
(i am aware that my dates are screwed up, so I'm making this chapter on a Sunday afternoon!)

{John's POV}

I wake up somewhat early and I head downstairs to make myself some tea and biscuits. I realize that Mimi isn't home and she probably headed off to work, so I decide to ring Paul up.

I dial his number and wait. About 4 rings later, someone picks up.

"Ello?" A deep and tired voice calls out. "Who is this?" He says again. I then realize that It's Jim. Paul's da'.

He isn't the nicest bloke, but not everyone is the nicest.

"H-hi Mr. McCartney. It's John Lennon. Is Paul up yet?" I ask quietly.

"Um yea he is." The phone goes quiet for a couple of minutes.

"Well ello Johnny."

My heart flutters and I can feel my face go hot. "Hi Paulie," I smile. "How are ye?"

"I'm good. Tired is all." He chuckles quietly. "Listen, do you want to meet at Strawberry Fields later? Around 2:30? My Mimi won't be home until 5 so I need to make it back around here around 4:30. Does that work?" I ask shyly.

"Of course. I'll see ya then. Bye Johnny boy."

"Great. Bye Macca," I say softly.

He makes my rockin' world go round..

*Time skip to 3:00 pm*

Where is Paul?! He was supposed to be here a half-hour ago! I pace anxiously while I wait by the tree at Strawberry Fields.

I decide to sit down against the tree. Maybe he forgot...

I close my eyes but moments later, I hear a pair of feet shuffle from not to far ahead of where I was sitting.

"Oi, don't fall asleep now Johnny!" I hear a familiar voice chuckle softly.

I quickly open my eyes and stand up. "Oh Macca! There you are! I was worried that ye wouldn't show up!"

"Oh sorry to keep you waiting John. I had to help my da' out around the house."

"It's not a problem at all."

"So, why'd you want me to meet up with you 'ere?"

"Umm...I just wanted to talk to you, that's all."

"...Are you sure? I think you pulled that idea out of your arse, but who am I to argue?" Paul chuckles.

I smirk and then I look at the doe eyed boy in front of me.

"...I wanted to talk about...the kiss...I understand if you don't want to talk about it again, but...I need to get something off my chest." My heart falls slightly as the words leave my chapped lips.

"I needed to get something off my chest too." Paul looks at me, slightly confused and concerned.

I take a deep breath. "Okay, the kiss...Let me start off by saying that I'm sorry. I never meant anything by it. I know it was illegal but It was just supposed to be a quick peck. Nothing more, nothing less. But I guess my thoughts just, kinda got the best of me. I just wanted to find out what it would be like to kiss a bloke, ya know...? I understand if you don't want to be mates anymore. I wouldn't be too happy if a bloke just came up to me and 'snogged' me without warning. If ye want to put it that way."

I saw his expression change slightly. From happy and bubbly, to confused and...slightly sad. It all happens in that one moment. It was just like his heart broke into a million pieces.

I look at how quickly Paul's expression changes, and my heart breaks a little at the sight.

Paul looks at me with solemn eyes. His brown, for eyes filling with slight sorrow.

"Oh...well...Johnny, I wanted to talk about that too...I-I...kind of enjoyed it." He mumbles quietly, and my face turns a light shade of red. "I-I understand that you didn't mean it, since it was illegal. And I still want to remain best mates. Don't worry..I-It meant nothing to me." He looks down at his feet.

I-It meant nothing to him? John, you fucked up...

Then I instantly know what this feeling is..

You can't hide this feeling for forever. You have to tell him one day, Johnny.

I push the thought into the back of my mind. Not yet Johnny..

"We're still friends, right?" I ask quickly.

No reply. He seems to be in some sort of daze. I ask the same question.

"Macca, w-we're still friends, right?"

"Yes John, of course. Why wouldn't we be?"

"I don't really know." I say quietly.

"...Hey, do you have a watch? I wanted to be back at me house by 4:30."

The younger lad looks down at his wrist, revealing a small watch. "I-It's...4:15, you might need to head home."

I nod, seeing as it's about a 15 minute walk. "Well, I gotta go. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school, yeah?"

"Mhm."

He looks down and then pulls me into a quick hug and walks away.

He turns away and I watch him walk the opposite direction. "P.S. I love you." I mumble to myself.

My thoughts come back, picking at my brain even more.

You're more than just in love with him, John. He's on your mind every second of the day. You're becoming obsessed with him. Maybe even too attached..your gonna be lucky if he even feels the same way.

I blushed at this thought and I start walking home and not long after I get inside, Mimi pulls into the driveway.

She walks in and we both say our hellos. I wanted to phone stu but I didn't. Not after what he did to me in the loo.

Mimi cooked dinner and I ate alone. Not because I was alone or anything, but because I chose to and that's just who I am. But not long after that, I go to bed. Quickly putting in one of my Elvis Presley records in the record player, and falling asleep to the sound of Elvis' voice filling in my empty thoughts.

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A/N: Ahh sorry about the short chapter! I'm trying my best to make them longer but it seems like they're getting shorted! My writers block is so bad omg. I mainly got this whole idea for this chapter from Rogerina_is_god so thank you so much for that, I appreciate it uwu. I hope y'all liked this chapter and I'll try and start writing chapter 6 soon.
Don't get mad if I don't write as much! School is wack, I have to see my horse after school, I'm being tutored and I'm starting bass guitar lessons this Wednesday, so I'm trying to post as much as I can before then! I love you all and appreciate all of the love this book has gotten in such a short amount of time! ❤️❤️ (I'll also be preforming live in a café near me on Saturday, so I'm pumped about that. Wish me luck!
~Emily