First Punch ➟ Kellic

F O R T Y

I fall quiet after his outburst, the two of us walking awkwardly side by side in absolute silence. I keep glancing at him, trying to read him, but I can't figure anything out. Part of me thinks I still have a chance. He protected me after all, and is even carrying my bag for me. Then again, he won't even look at me. He doesn't like when I say his name. I just...I really messed up. I really hurt him.

"Can I-" I try to apologize, hating this uncomfortable tension.

Jake's not having it, and interrupts me by saying, "No."

I sigh, not knowing what to say to make him hate me any less. I just want to apologize a million times, but I know that right now he won't hear me. He won't believe me.

"I can carry my-"

"I've got it," he says, his voice firm and void of all emotion.

I hardly even recognize him right now. It fucking crushes me that this inhuman version of Jake is completely my doing. It's all my fault. Oh, great. Now I'm crying.

I try to breathe through it, hating showing weakness...even to Jake. Of course, I can't even do that properly. I can't even cry quietly. A sniffle slips through my defences, and I quickly brush away the tears, hoping Jake didn't hear it. He did though. He definitely did.

Jake sighs, slowing his pace. "Are you okay?" he asks, his tone of voice sounding as though he doesn't even care. It feels like the question was some kind of obligation.

"I'm fine," I lie, my voice betraying me and sounding shakier than ever. I just hate myself for making my life come to this. I hate myself for letting Jake down.

Jake glances at me, and I lean my head down so that my hair covers my face. This is embarrassing. I'm crying because I lost my boyfriend, but he's standing right next to me! How did I become such a pathetic loser?

"We're almost there," he says, his voice softer this time and more normal sounding. "Just...hold on, okay?"

I sniffle again, looking over at him. He's still looking at me, slight concern on his face. He does care after all. Did I really not send him back to the murderous robot I first met?

I try to gather myself, and as Jake looks away, I do too. Knowing that he still feels something, knowing that he hasn't completely given up makes me feel significantly better. As per usual, he quickly calms me down.

I look forward again, my breathing growing even and I smile slightly as I spot a motel sign. Jake slows, turning and walking into the parking lot. They really did listen to me. They hid.

"This is it," Jake mumbles, walking up the stairs to one of the doors. He pulls a key out and unlocks it, tossing my bag inside. He keeps his hand on the knob, holding the door open and looking at me expectantly. I take the hint, going inside as he says, "I'll be back."

"What?" I exclaim, not wanting to be alone even if he refuses to look at me. "Where are you going?"

He doesn't answer me though and just closes the door. I rush over to the window, looking out to see him walking off. What the fuck is he doing?

Once he's out of my sight, I turn around, leaning against the wall and sighing. This is such a fucking mess. What have I done?

I try to distract myself by looking around the room. There are two messy beds, clothing scattered all over the floor surrounding two bags. I recognize one of them as Jake's, and make my way over to it. I pick up one of the shirts from the floor, being totally creepy as I bury my face in it and breathe in the smell that I've missed so much. I just want to feel as close to him as I possibly can. New tears pool in the base of my eyes as I drop it, not able to handle the reminiscing. I breathe through the emotions though and try to pull myself together.