Traumatised

Four: haunting me

Jimin held the treacherous phone in his clammy shaky hands. It felt terrifying-dialling those numbers that lead to the one person he couldn't bare the thought of speaking too. How was he supposed to tell them? In what possible way could he tell his parents their little boy who they've watched grow up from a little baby to a young man. How could he tell them he was raped. There were no words to express, to explain the horror he went through. It was damaging enough for him but for his parents he couldn't imagine.

His thumb traces over the number, fighting with himself on weather he'd call. He didn't even know what he'd say. How he would start it. How do you start the conversation about being raped in your own bed. His parents wouldn't react well he knew that. They'd want him to come back, move back home with them where it was safe. But he knew no where was safe-not really. Anything can happen to you anywhere at anytime. Jimin knew that better than anyone, bad things happen to good people and nothing will ever change that.

Jimin sucks in a achy breath, using all his courage he presses down on the number. He brings the phone to his ear, he begins to hear the bleak sound of the dial tone. He chews on the end of his thumb, anxiety brewing in the pit of his stomach. The longer it rung the more nervous he got. Just when he's about to end it, changing his mind the dial tone stops and is replaced with the sound of a voice.

"Hello? Jimin?" His mothers delicate voice rings, sounding gentle and warm.

Jimin doesn't breath for a second, enjoying the sweet sound his mother's loving voice. Relishing in it before he had to ruin it with his painful news.

"Mum..-I Umm hi." Jimin didn't know what to say, how to go about it as he never thought he'd have to make this phone call.

He hears his mother laugh halfheartedly on the other line, it soothed his anxiety just a little.

"How's everything going sweetie? How's school? Work? It's lovely to hear from you." She asks like any mother would, making Jimin feel even worse about what he had to say next.

"Schools fine, works tiring...-mum I've got something to tell you. I-I was-." Jimin chokes up at the end, not sure if he could do it, say it and make it real again.

"What is it? Is everything okay Jimin?" She asked in that sweet tone of hers, sounding kind and gentle.

Jimin groans in a mixture of pain and despair, he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to destroy his mother with the knowledge of knowing her son was violated in the safety of his home. She'd feel like a failure, a mother who couldn't protect her child from the demons of the world.

"I don't know-..I'm not alright mum, I'm really not. It's never going to be okay." Jimin struggles to find the words, it was harder this time, so much harder to tell than it ever was.

"Sweetie was wrong? Please tell me, you know you can tell me anything." The softness in her voice morphed into one of worry and concern.

Jimin begins sobbing on the line, his words catching in his throat unwilling to come out. His head falls down, fingers tangling in his hair as he pulls at painfully.

"Mum I was-...I was raped." He vomits out in cruel breaths, tears dripping their way down his cheeks.

The line went quiet, other than Jimin's cries nothing else was heard. For a moment he thought his mother had ended the call but then he heard her beginning to cry.

"Jimin..my baby. My sweet baby I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." She sounded broken, almost as much as he was.

"It's not your fault mum..please don't cry." Jimin wavers in faintly, hearing his mum crying hurt his heart.