lost at home // reddie

FIVE: TIRED EYES

eddie was walking a bit too fast down the hall. it wasn't that he was trying to get away from anyone, he was just running late, but it was enough to put some eyes on him. his hair was a mess, at least that's what he thought. it wasn't completely combed out, there was one strand of hair that was being a bit too stubborn and just kept falling into his face, and it didn't help that his left shoe wouldn't stay completely tied.

his eyes scanned the mostly empty hall. he had just over a minute to get to his first period class and he wasn't in the mood for getting into any trouble. whether the trouble was the third tardy this week or running into somebody that would give him a hard time, he wasn't having it. he picked up his pace even more, tugging on the straps of his backpack. get to class. get to class. get to class.

the entire hallway made him sick. it smelled like cigarettes and sweat, and not in the comforting way that richie tozier always smelled like cigarettes, it was just the gross and overpowering smell that soaked through everything and left a bad taste in your mouth just by being in the vicinity of it. cigarettes are disgusting, at least in eddie's opinion. why would you put that into your lungs? the thought of being addicted to that stuff made him anxious, especially since a good ninety percent of his fellow classmates smoked.

eddie has slipped right through the doorway was the final bell rang. he let out a rich of relief knowing that he wasn't late as he sat down. as usual, the seat next to him was empty. it was richie's seat, and richie tozier almost never showed up to first period history on time. he'd always show up with a different excuse and eddie had remembered every single one of them.

"sorry miss adams, car almost ran out of gas."

"i guess i overslept."

"i guess a few too many girls were fawning over me, hope you can forgive me, adams."

"i lost my textbook, needed to go to the library to get a spare."

"forgot what day it was."

those were just a few that he'd use. it's like they were all rehearsed in his head, that's what it looked like to eddie, and probably everyone else in the class.  eddie couldn't stop thinking about what excuse richie would use, and what jacket he'd throw over his t-shirts that were either too big or too small for him. eddie just couldn't stop thinking of richie tozier in general. ever since movie night at bill's house, that stupid, tall, loud boy with overgrown hair and not much of a fashion sense wouldn't leave his mind.

eddie really didn't want to pay attention in class, quite frankly he didn't want to do much of anything. he wanted to go back to sleep really. it was just that he was stressed out and a bit tired, another night of not sleeping well. it didn't help that it was a school night. his mother was so insistent on keeping him home too.

"you look so tired, eddiebear. are you sick again? i'll call the pharmacy and get you some antibiotics and you should stay home and rest."

as much as he wished he'd stayed home now, the words still made eddie want to puke. he wasn't a little baby, and he knew full well that the medication he had was bullshit. his mother wasn't exactly somebody that he trusted, she never communicates and constantly puts him down for whatever she can think of at the moment. whether it be that his grades aren't good enough, he looks like he's getting sick, his friends are bad influences, you name it, sonia kaspbrak has probably badgered eddie about it until the words are pressed into his brain and tattooed on the back of his eyelids.

am i sick? is everyone out to get me? am i not good enough?

the questions burned all the time, and it was part of what kept him up at night. he knew nothing about the world, it seemed. he'd go to school and not really be able to pack in all the knowledge force fed to him, then he'd go home back to that stupid house that felt like a cage.  eddie didn't really want to admit it, but he really did feel lost.

the door snapped open, pushing eddie out of his thoughts and the teacher out of her lecture. all the background noise came to a halt as richie stepped through the door, closing it a bit too hard.

"care to explain why you're late again, mr. tozier?" mrs adams asks, looking the boy up and down for the hint of a pass that could get him out of needing yet another tardy slip.

"my bike had a flat, i wasn't just gonna ride it and damage the tire now was i?" he replies, taking a slip of paper out of his pocket and sliding it across the desk. a back to class pass, for once. eddie noticed the defeat in mrs adams eyes, along with the dark circles under richie's. you could see that boys eye bags from a mile away, at least that's what eddie thought. they were so dark against richie's pale skin, and all the bones in his body stuck out just a little too much. it wasn't enough to be worrisome, as the skinniness came from just how fast he grew, but it still bothered eddie just a little bit.

either way, eddie tried to silence his thoughts as richie flung himself into his seat, making a bit too much noise than must've been intended. his backpack laid on the floor with a pocket still open and his light denim jacket smelled like cigarettes. eddie recognizes the jacket from movie night, and he also knew that it was once beverly's. the only reason he knew is because he listened to the two of them bickering when bill was looking for movies.

"what's up, eddie?" richie asks a bit too loud. it makes eddie want to cringe, he doesn't want mrs adams stopping class again, especially at richie's expense.

"why're you always late?" eddie whispers, trying not to draw attention.

"oversleeping. bev snores too much." he says, laughing a bit. eddie watches he adjusts his glasses and rolls his sleeves up. it's simple things that everybody does, but there's something about richie that just stays in peoples heads. it's not something eddie can exactly pinpoint, but it's there and it bothers him all the time.

he's pretty. really pretty.

eddie wants to slap himself in the face after thinking it. boys can't be pretty. and boys especially are not supposed to call other boys pretty. he bounced his leg, hoping that he wasn't making too much noise and desperately trying to silence his slightly gay thoughts. it's something he'd never admit. he just thinks richie is attractive, it doesn't mean he's necessarily attracted to him, even though he is.

it's funny just how friendly richie's being too. that's the second thing that catches eddie off guard. usually when richie comes into class late he'll just fling himself into the chair and put his head down, paying no mind to anyone that's around.  eddie wondered what the sudden switch was, hoping only a little that it was because of them talking during movie night. he doubted it, after all it could've easily boiled down to stan or beverly telling richie just to suck it up, but he could still hope.

it was funny just how much eddie confided in stan, and it really sucked that he had no classes with him. stan being younger than the rest of the losers was a real bummer for everyone. stan really was the sweetest person out there, even if he would deny it every chance he got.  he was also the only person that knew about eddie and richie. eddie would tell him every single day about what happened, and stan would just listen, throwing in advice if he wanted to, sometimes rolling his eyes and eddie's hopeless crush, even sometimes opening up himself.  that's the thing, eddie wished that stan would open up more, but the poor kid has too many walls up.

it was something eddie wondered, if he broke down a few of his walls maybe stan would too? if eddie just went for it with richie, would that give stan the push to open up a bit more?  too many questions. eddie always had too many questions.

he just wished somebody would come and answer them.