lost at home // reddie

SEVEN: MOTHER

"i'm literally going to break something, stan. i swear to god if you say a word about this, i don't even know what i'll do, but i will be so upset—"

"eddie, chill out okay? i'm not going to say anything. i already figured you were gonna go anyway." stan says, cutting eddie off from his anxious rambling. it was about the halloween party that was in just over a week. next saturday to be exact. beverly has mentioned it when they were all hanging out, bill and richie were both gone. richie was at work and bill was at speech therapy.

in the beginning eddie really didn't want to go to the halloween party. he was worried his mother would find out he was hanging around richie again, and he was even more worried about her finding out he was essentially at a party. party was a loose term in this situation, at least to eddie. when he thinks of parties he thinks of way too many people, music that's too loud, and a few too many bad decisions. parties aren't really his thing, but hanging out with all his friends is fine.

trying to explain to stan why he was so nervous to go was an absolute chore, and eddie is convinced that the younger boy still doesn't get it. stan uris is an absolute gift to the world, but god damn is he clueless sometimes. eddie is damn lucky that stan would never say a word about everything that he says about richie. sometimes he worries that everybody knows, even though there's no reason to.

he sees the knowing looks beverly gives them all the time, he sees stan roll his eyes when they avoid each other, everyone else looks confused, but eddie can't feel it that beverly knows. he's not surprised, richie tells beverly absolutely everything, and he doesn't blame him. if eddie were closer to her, he'd probably do the same, but his mom hears everything the town says about her. if she found out her little eddie was hanging around richie tozier or beverly marsh she'd probably move across the country.

it's annoying mostly, just how overprotective she is. eddie wants to believe it's just that his mother cares, but sometimes it feels like home is just a prison. he's not sure if the medication he takes does anything, he's not sure if his mother listens to him when he talks. he wants to stand up for himself, but last time he did that he lost richie.

even though the floor, the counter and the sink have been fully washed a million times over, eddie can still see richie's blood when it dripped all over the floor. he can still feel the words piling up in his throat as he sobbed to his mother when she forced him to explain what the hell happened. she saw him leave, she saw the blood on eddie's shirt, she saw the tears streaming down his face. he didn't have the guts to tell his mother that he was terrified he lost the boy that felt like home to him. he tried to explain the fight and why he was there but all she heard was richie trashmouth tozier was in her house and he's a troublemaker, he nearly got eddie killed.

thirteen times she asked what he did to him, thirteen times eddie tried to explain that richie did nothing wrong, fourteen times she called him a liar. he counted. he always did. things were too damn repetitive and at this point the only thing keeping him sane was counting how many times his watch beeped, how many times his mom said something she probably shouldn't have, how many times he cracks his knuckles in a day. even in those three months of silence he counted how many times he ran into richie.

"hey! earth to eddie!" stan says, waving a hand in front of eddie's face.

"sorry, i was just thinkin about stuff." eddie says, scratching the back of his head. lost in thought again, as usual.

"you usually are," stan says, bouncing up and down on his feet. "so do you care to run by me again why you're so scared to go to richie's? it's not like your mom's gonna find out, and he invited you anyway. it's not gonna be awkward or anything." he adds, looking up and down at eddie. he hates when stan does that, but he does it all the time anyway. he just does it to run in their height difference.

"well, you know i have feelings for him, and you know that i'm scared of him. there's nothing else to explain, stan." he snaps, bouncing his leg.

"yeah there is. i have no idea why you're scared of richie. he's completely harmless, couldn't even hurt a fly if he tried to. he just looks scary so bowers will leave him alone." stan argues, sitting next to eddie.

"like that works out great." the smaller of the two says, crossing his arms.

"okay that wasn't a good example, but you get my point." stan says, laying down on his back and staring up at the ceiling.

"it's just that richie always looks sad and on edge and i'm worried that if i say the wrong thing he'll snap. i feel bad for not speaking to him for three months, even though he seems unbothered i still feel like there's something missing. i'll never really know his life, even though he thinks he's an open book he really isn't. and he probably doesn't even think of me the way i think of him." eddie rants.

"he literally kissed you eddie, twice." stan says. he sits back up and crosses his arms,  not knowing how else to get eddie to talk.

"just because he kissed me doesn't mean—"

"eddie." stan cuts him off, standing up to face him. "you guys have a chance.  all you need to do is talk to him. he's not mad at you, if he was he wouldn't have invited you to the party, and he wouldn't still talk to you." he adds, putting his hands on eddie's shoulders, forcing him to look at him.

"but what about—"

"those three months you guys barely spoke? yeah you two were both so caught up in some gay panic that you didn't speak, and if you guys hadn't run into each other at the pharmacy it would probably be longer." stan interrupts again.

eddie sighs and flops backwards onto his bed, staring up that the ceiling littered with glow in the dark stars. he knows that stan is right, he's usually right about this stuff, but it still doesn't sit well with him. it's one of those things where it seems too good to be true, at least in eddie's mind. there's no way him and richie could work, there's always something that will go wrong. whether it be his mother, bowers and his gang, or just the two boys not knowing what they're doing. eddie doesn't think anything will work out just right.

"well i'm still going to go, but i don't want you trying to force anything to happen, or so help me god stan i will," eddie says, pausing when he realizes he doesn't really have anything threaten stan with. "well, i'll probably just get overwhelmed and cry but pretend i was being threatening so i feel better." he says, shrugging a bit.

"i knew you were going, i just wanted you to realize you've got nothing to be scared of." stan says, turning on his heels and laughing a bit.

"stan." eddie snaps.

"alright. sorry." he says, throwing his hands up in a mock surrender.