lost at home // reddie

TWELVE: SECRETS SAFE WITH ME

by the time richie got home, his parents were gone again.  he let out a sigh of relief and unlocked the front door for beverly, knowing she'd be at his house within a half an hour.  it was nearing eight o'clock, and richie knew he had a lot of explaining to do. he would also need to explain to beverly exactly why he's leaving at nine o'clock on the dot, which will become a routine once again. his old excuse was that he needed a walk, but he thinks he's ready to tell her what's up now.

he can just imagine the excited look on her face.  as much as richie hates to admit it, he absolutely adores her smile.  her bright and big grin that causes her nose and eyes to scrunch up could probably light up the entire world.  it's funny to him, only because she tries so hard to look threatening. 

after sophomore year of highschool she started wearing black nail polish and carried a knife in her bag most of the time. she'd never admit it to anyone, except for maybe the losers, but it's for self defense if she ever really needed it.  dark dresses and thrifted jean jackets, black nails, and her short red hair always give that semi-threatening look, but she's an absolute angel.

as if on cue, beverly taps on the window before coming in.  she flashes a smile at richie and plants herself on the couch next to him.  she smells of cigarettes and cheap perfume.  richie can recognize it only because he's the one that bought it for her, and he smiles a bit to himself. 

"alright, rich, what's the scoop for today." she says. she was aware that his parents were home earlier, and she wanted to check in on him. he appreciated it, but now he had more he needed to talk about.

"well, the dipshits were arguing again." richie says, kicking his feet onto the coffee table and stretching a bit. "but i guess that's nothing new. they usually have something to be at each other's throats with."

"did you end up leaving?" she asks, pushing her hair behind her ear. she needed a haircut, that's what she'd always say when it got to about the length it's at now.

"yeah actually. that's kind of a part of the story for today." he replies, messing with his hair. beverly gives him a look, telling him to go on a bit more.

"basically, i went to stan's place, and eddie was there," he pauses a bit, wondering if beverly had something to say. she most likely did, but her mouth was shut, just a pleased smirk on her face. "and he made us talk a bit. i also went to eddie's on sunday night before you were back from your date. we watched a movie and stuff. but anyway, eds and i really missed each other, y'know?" he says, sighing a bit.

"as i said before, i'm glad you guys are talking again. it's pretty damn brave if you, rich." beverly says.

"also, remember when i would always go on a 'walk' by myself at nine o'clock sharp?" richie asks, stretching a bit to check the clock on the wall.

"yeah, of course i do." she says, laughing a bit. "i always figured you were seeing someone, just never badgered you about it, thought it'd slip out eventually." she adds, winking at him.

"yeah really funny, marsh." he says, casually flipping her off.

"but anyway, i was actually sneaking through his window every night after his mom went to sleep." richie admitted. his speech is fast, like there's a lot he wants to say in so little time. he's anxious about saying everything, but he's never say that out loud.  as bev would say, it's because he's too obsessed with his image. "he gets these nightmares, i dunno if he's mentioned them to you guys, but i dunno one day i snuck through his window because i was bored and he told me about it, so it became a routine. i'd head over there and we'd just talk until he fell asleep. i'd make sure everything was fine and left a note for him to call me if he needed it." he says, keeping out certain details.

"i'm assuming that routines coming back then?" beverly asks, smiling at richie.  even though she won't tell him directly, he can see the way her eyes twinkle and the way one side of her smiles going up a bit more than the other. she always knows a bit more than what people lead on, beverly marsh is just a bit too smart for her own good.

"yeah, i told him i'd be there tonight. apparently the nightmares aren't getting much better, so i really wanna be there for him." richie says.

"so we're you guys like, together or something before whatever went down went down?" she asks. she figured they were, but she never really asked. of course richie never really said anything about it besides that he and eddie were close, but he never really told her about the feelings he has for him.

"we weren't together, no. i guess i ruined it when i kissed him and then freaked out and ran off. i wouldn't expect us to get together though, marsh. i dunno if that's what he wants." richie says, bouncing his leg against the table.

"i already told you, i'm like ninety percent sure he's got a massive crush on you, rich." beverly says, winking at him.

god, a crush. richie couldn't possibly imagine it, it just doesn't sit well with him. in his head, nobody could ever really like him.  he knows it's true, too, any day he could be replaced.

"no, no, it's not like that or anything. i just don't want him to be alone and he always says how alone he feels and i like him a lot, like more than a friend yknow? he's really cute and sweet and—"

"rich, slow down." beverly says, putting a hand on his shoulder. "i'm just saying. even though it seems kinda scary right now, you guys have something there. i know i don't know the full story, but you gotta go for it, okay?" she adds, putting on that look she always does when she's giving richie is what seems like daily pep talk. she really is like a motherly figure, and it's funny to him sometimes.

it's right about here that richie realizes that once again it just slipped out. he's really in too deep, is what he thinks.  the feelings he has for eddie kaspbrak keep slipping out in conversation the second things get serious, and he wonders how they kept everything a secret for as long as they did. after all, eddie isn't all that good at subtlety.  he rambles a bit too much and says things a bit too fast before realizing he said anything at all.

"yeah, i get it." richie says, leaning back into the couch in defeat. "he said he wanted to kiss me." he adds nonchalantly.  it clicks in his head what beverly says about him speaking before he thinks. this is yet another rabbit hole richie has opened up to beverly, and he wonders how the hell she hasn't gotten tired of it.

"did you?" she asks, messing with her hair a bit more.

"we were at stan's, no." richie says defensively, playfully swatting her hand away. "i would've, maybe. i just don't wanna move things too fast. we've only been talking again for a little while, but yknow how it is." he adds, not really wanting to go into detail. that entire three months of no speaking whatsoever made his heart ache.  all he wanted to do was just sit him down and apologize.

he distinctly remembers that tuesday afternoon in the middle of august.  it was pouring out,  there's always way too many storms in august, and he was heading home from work. his route depended on whether or not he was biking, but he still went his bike route that day. he needed to carry his bike, as he doesn't really like riding around in the rain, it's really bad for the chains, and they can snap pretty easily.

he saw eddie running home, soaking wet and nearly tripping over his own feet with every step. there was an umbrella in richie's bag he hadn't used in years, and without a single word, he pulled it out and tossed it in the smaller boy's direction. it was simple, and they shared sad smiles, but they didn't speak. both of them were too scared.  both of them quickly sped off, and richie can remember how wild eddie's eyes were, and he can remember coming home and crying about it. just how stupid could he be for not just saying something, he always talks, but as soon as he's faced with eddie he can't say a damn word.

"hey, it's gettin' pretty close to nine," beverly says, standing up to stretch. "you should probably get your shoes. and if you want i can make mac and cheese or something. i can tell you haven't eaten today." she adds, giving richie a stern look. she was right, richie hadn't eaten anything all day. it was either him just being distracted, or something was bothering him so badly that the thought of eating anything made him sick.

"yeah, okay mom." he says, rolling his eyes, but giving beverly a thankful smile. "i am gonna head out though, i'll see you in a bit."

and with that, he grabbed his shoes and was out the door. he's going to do this right this time.