Talkative

Don' kno' - Day 9

This is how a life could fall apart within the span of a week. Not that Taehyung wasn't already stuggling before. But that... That was another level. Yeah, having a voice in his head, no inspiration or reason to keep going, mental health, blah blah.

But now (obviously not just now) his friends didn't even have his back. They didn't care about him. If he told them about his fear now, they would deem it story-telling. That he's trying to get their attention. Maybe they'd think he's so pathetic that he'd rather be pitied by them before there was nothing left at all.

Taehyung lay awake in the morning, his eyes still closed in hope he could fall back asleep. There was no noise or any other sign of the others. Probably Jimin had told them already, told them that the cat was out of the box. That they didn't have to play pretend any longer, even though it felt like they did. There had a new silence risen upon them, thicker, heavier, deafening and choking. Since the evening when Jimin had revealed more than he wanted Taehyung had made sure to go to bed after his roommate and wake up before him, so he could hide in the living area or somewhere else and catch up on... whatever was left.

Sleep felt strange, when ever he was alone he let himself relax his shoulders, his jaw, his fingers and busied himself to maybe distract himself from the voice. Weirdly, he noticed the voice was eating at his insecurity more when he was amongst the members instead of when there was no reason to keep his facade up. When he could allow himself to crumble and tremble and cry silently, the voice would almost support him.

Maybe you had it coming.

Maybe it was always supposed to unfold like this.

Maybe BTS should have sticked to six members already in 2013.

However, only when someone was around and he felt the urge to keep a smile on his face and a relaxed tone to his voice, then the voice would come at him. Just shut up, will you!

Especially when they were only the seven of them. Don't even try to make everything seem normal. It isn't!

Worse even when he was confronted with each of them on their own; it was awkward, uncomfortably awkward. Are you suitcases already packed? When will you accept it, you fool?

He heard shuffling; footsteps, lazy and tired. But he could identify them as Jin's footsteps. Then there was a sigh, turned into a yawn and ended with a smacking sound of his lips. Definitely Seokjin. If he did notice a figure laying on the couch as he made his way to the kitchen, he ignored Taehyung. The latter made no effort to present himself, too, why would he?

Jin on the other side did in fact not notice someone being with him and firtsly checked their coffee machine and filled it to brew some fresh coffee. The time he waited he looked at his surroundings, not finding anything to busy himself. So he grabbed his phone from his pocket and checked his messages. One caught his eye, from the BTS group chat; the one with six members.

We fucked up the text from Jimin read, just like the ones each time the topic came up. Seokjin sighed again, not aware someone was within earshot. "Really, tell me something new", he said to himself and took a look into the refrigirator. There was enough to make something out of it but he didn't really want to and noticed how he did it just out of habit. 

They still hadn't realized their plan of gathering and organizing what bothered them about their situation. Now that Jimin had basically given away what was going on with them, they had to make their move eventually. Jimin even had tried, several times but Taehyung hadn't wanted to listen; accusing him to only knit a bigger web of lies around it.