found (clay jensen)

butterflies (smut)

ok this is the smut time just as a warning. this ENTIRE CHAPTER is pretty much just smut so if you don't like that then you can skip it if you want.

A sudden knocking on the car window shakes me out of my sleep, and I jump in my seat. With a start, I realize that it's actually nighttime, and I scramble for my phone to check the time. It's 9:00, I had slept for twelve hours.

A second knock on the window brings me to my senses and I turn to see who it is. It's Clay.

Fuck, I do actually like him, I think as I immediately wipe away my mascara marks and smooth my hair. I unlock the car and let him in, adjusting my skirt and cursing myself for liking him.

He climbs into the passenger seat and puts his headphones into his backpack before turning his attention to me.

I follow his eyes as they linger for a second on my short skirt, and I blush as he nervously looks away.

"So you listened to my tape, huh?" I say, shocked at my sudden confidence.

He turns his face to me and doesn't speak, his eyes darting around as he contemplates what he's going to say. Taking a deep breath, he sighs, "Yeah, I did."

I swallow the lump in my throat and try my hardest not to cry. "If you just got into my car to yell at me or say you hate me then —"

"No, Isabelle, just shut up for a minute," Clay bursts, running a hand through his hair.

Hurt but intrigued, I sit quietly and stare at the steering wheel, too afraid to make eye contact.

"Listen —" he takes a deep breath — "I don't hate you. I don't think I ever could, really. I mean, I don't have any reason to... And, your tape wasn't that bad. So you had a crush on some guy..." He shrugs nonchalantly and his hand raps on his thigh. "I don't know girl politics, but that's not a big deal. You never went out of your way to hurt her, like most of us did. I mean... Do you still like him?"

I pause, letting his words wash over me. Hannah had never said Clay's name on my tape, for reasons I never found out. He doesn't know that he was the boy who got between us.

He shifts in his seat so he was fully facing me, and I do the same. His icy blue eyes, with a deep look of a need I had never seen in him before, connect with mine across the car.

"Clay, I can't," I say quietly.

His face falls and a deep feeling of regret strikes my chest. Taking a deep breath, I summon all my courage.

"I do still like him," I start shakily, wondering if I'll have the balls to do this, "and it did hurt her, Clay. When I was Listening to Hannah's tape about me, realizing what I did, it hurt even more 'cause I realized I still can't get him out of my head. I just can't get rid of it. He's everywhere I go... In fact, he's —" Stop fucking stuttering and tell him — "he's with me right now."

Childishly, my eyes dart to his face and scan it hungrily, and I watch as slow realization dawns in his eyes. I'm starting to shake so much that I have to sit on my hands to control them, and I can actually hear the sound of my heart pounding in my chest.

The giddiness in my chest at the sight of his slowly rising blush fuels my impulsivity, which has always been a problem of mine, and before I can think of stopping it, the confessional words are spilling from my mouth.

"I've liked you since before you even met Hannah. It's actually kind of stupid now I think about it, I was so hellbent on keeping it quiet. You know how the girls I hang around are. I could never admit to them that I liked dorky ass Clay Jensen. But keeping it bottled up... it just made it so much worse... but..." My eyes settle on the hem of my skirt. "But I can't feel that way anymore."