found (clay jensen)

blue

okay y'all this is going to be the second to last chapter. i never expected it to get this much attention. i just wanted to say thank you SO much for going along for the ride with me. enjoy!! <3

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Isabelle: i'm here

I am, but not fully. My body is sitting in the drivers seat of my car, but my mind is elsewhere. It's on an empty tundra in the wilderness, climbing a mountain or fighting off a bear. It's racing with thoughts, disconnected and unrelated, but impossibly numb all at the same time. My mind is anywhere but here.

Max: Come inside

I sit eerily still at the steering wheel; I want to run away, but I also want to charge in there, tackle him to the ground, and do what I came here to do. I want to prove that I am just as terrible as I think I am.

The outline of Maxwell Dwyer flickers in the window of the door ahead of me. His house is gigantic, and an absence of cars in the driveway tells me that he's home alone.

I've been to boys houses like this before. My guess is his parents never came home for longer than they had to, jumping off to some business trip or another Bahamas vacation, leaving their son all too happy with the house to himself, but deep inside, they leave him wanting to feel that comforting bubble of people around him.

I've seen many cases like this. They don't turn out well. Need an example? Go to Bryce Walker.

Max: U there?

My hand trembles as I reach to open the car door as if it's trying to hold me back or somehow stop me, but it doesn't work. With some difficulty, I manage to swing the door open.

Then I find that I can't force my legs to step out of the car. I sit, turned out in the position to hop down from the drivers seat, but I'm paralyzed. Everything inside of me is telling me to stay put. I don't care. I grit my teeth, forcing myself to move and biting back tears as if it is physically paining me to take a step out of my car, which it almost does.

Then I'm at the door, and my fist refuses to knock on the hard wood panels. I want to scream, just to feel all the badness in my body flying past my parted lips and expelling itself before I even think about pretending to hide it, but I can't. I hold myself back.

Max sees me at the door. He doesn't give me a chance to knock and immediately opens it, smiling at me brightly as if seeing me for the first time.

I'm stiffer than if I was at a business meeting, and I slip past his outstretched arm before he has the opportunity to hug me.

It's odd, really, to be avoiding a hug when you think about what I was here for, but I know why. I don't deserve the warmth that comes with an embrace like that, or the closeness of another human being. I'm a catastrophe waiting to happen, I damage anyone I meet. Not that I care about Max in particular, but no one else should get hurt because of me.

Max stands a few feet apart from me. My gaze flickers quickly to the door, thinking of an escape, but then we make eye contact. I've always had a soft spot for pretty eyes. They paralyze me.

Hazel shone in Max's most prominently, with grey and blue hues appearing once I look deeper into them. They are a pale, sharp color. Multiple shades swim in them; bright turquoise, sea blue, bottle green, and baby blue. The shades swirl together to create a color resembling the shade of a blade of grass, the same hue as the churning ocean and the steely sky of a thunderstorm.

I stand frozen in his eyes, and don't even realize how close he is to me until I can deny it no longer, and he's one bad decision away from contact.