Heres the tea, sis

Cameron

Cameron

I have many good memories with this guy. We grew up together. From when I was 1, he was a constant figure in my life. 3 years older than me, he was always this unattainable goal for me. When I was little, playing in his backyard while our parents sat together, I always wanted to be with him. He was who I saw my future with. As it got older I had created an image for him. The guy that I saw and the guy that I wanted.

We met camping when I was a baby. Our families were next to each other in the camping and quickly they bonded. We saw each other every year there until we started seeing each outside of that environment as well. I cant remember a time that I didn't know Cameron.

The thing with my vision of who Cameron was is that it was distorted. Distorted by how he acted around his parents, which was the only was I ever saw him and distorted by the way that I had hoped and dreamed for us for years.

2018

Cameron was 19 years old at this point, and I was 16. I hadn't though about him in a very long time. He was away in England when we started talking again for the first time.

It all started out very innocent. We would talk maybe once a week to catch up on what had been happening in our lives. Remembering the good ties we had when we were younger and over all just enjoying being able to connect with each other again. We had a little bit of flirting in there but it could easily be mistaken for friendship so I left it.

We were getting closer and I was elated. I could not stop thinking about him. About how my dreams were coming true and that he was finally showing interest in me. I had just experienced the worst time in my life, I had lost most of my friends and I was starved for attention from a guy so I would take it from wherever I could. Cameron was still a dream to me, up high on a pedestal. I think it was his age that did it for me. 3 years older. That was incredible. My friends were impressed that I was even getting the slightest bit of attention from him.

Progressively our relationship became more and more flirtatious. We would push boundaries to see how to other would react and eventually it go to a point where being subtle wasn't an option anymore.

One day we were talking as usual, flirting, pushing boundaries when he said the thing that meant there was no going back. He told me he liked me. Upfront, no bullshlt, he liked me. This was the most exciting thing that could happen to me at that time.

From there the energy in our conversations changed dramatically. It started sweet. I would get good morning and good night messages. He would send messages complimenting me, asking how my day was. Its was a dream come true.

After a while he asked me if we could keep 'us' a secret. I didn't see anything wrong with that. He was still in England, well and truly out of school and we were family friends. That makes sense. Don't want to jinx it. I told a few of my friends but ensured my family never found out and made him think that no one else knew either. He referred to our relationship as 'our little secret'. The feeling that we were doing something wrong was thrilling and all I wanted was more.

At the time I was vulnerable. I hadn't had a guy show interest in me in ages. My friends were still new to me and even then the friendship group was unstable. My mental health was at an all time low. So having a guy, let alone an older guy show interest was incredible.

At one point our conversations hit a new level:

Cameron: Olivia, I love this, our little secret

Me: Same, this is so fun

Cameron: You know I've always liked you right?

Me: No?