Heres the tea, sis

Sam Part 2

Sam part 2:

Wowwww has a lot happened since the last update... buckle up and get ready for some TEA!

It's a Sunday afternoon, I'm chilling, living my best life, probably having a bath and watching gossip girl when I receive a text from my friend Andrew

Andrew: Hey b, can we talk tomorrow

Me: Yeah ofc, u ok? X

Andrew: Yaaaa! Everything is fine I just haven't spoken to you in forever 😊 xoxo <3

Me: Oki easy xo

Thinking nothing of it I went about the rest of my day like nothing happened.

The next day I get to school and go find Andrew, excited to catch up with a friend that I haven't seen in forever. We sit down on one of the couches and my heart drops from the serious expression on his face. Something is wrong. It could be anything, I have beef with most of him friends maybe its that, maybe he did something?

Our school went on a trip to a university for a few weeks the weekend before this. Here you spent moth of the time in our house groups, it happens that Sam and I are in different groups but Andrew and Sam are in the same house.

"I'm so sorry. I really didn't want to be the one to tell you but I spoke to a friend and they think its best that I tell you and I agree you deserve to know, you deserve better." He said grabbing my hand. Now I was sh!tting myself. This was strange, Andrew isn't a serious person he is light he is bright he is always happy, something was seriously wrong now for this to be a conversation we were having.

As he pulled out his phone he continued talking "so when we were at the university I saw something I really didn't want to see and I didn't think you would like to see. I took photos just so you could see the proof. This was in a house meeting so obviously you weren't there to see it"

Now this photo, this photo I hate with all of me. Its Sam and Katie all wrapped up in each other, her hand on his thigh, his arm around her, its not something you want to see. Normally I would be upset but since it was Katie I was fuming. This girl has a history of cheating, she and Sam have history and she is always flirting with him. I was about to storm of to go talk to him when my friend Bianca saw me and said "oh is this the Sam thing".

"Uh yeah what do you know about it?" I replied confused that everyone but me knew this was happening.

"Like as in the thing that happened in August?" she replied. Now at this point I was just confused, it November now and this had been going on since August?!?! I dragged her down onto the couches as she explained that she had heard rumours going around of Sam asking a few girls for nude.

I stormed outside to find Ava, devastated that this had happened. Ignoring Sams confused gaze as I went into the canteen and pulled Ava away we went outside as I explained everything I had just heard. When I thought I was going to get an enraged reaction matching mine she looked at me and started explaining issues she had heard about in February, rumours of Sam and Katie. Now I was just crying. I was this stupid to think that I could change an arrogant f-boy into a loyal boyfriend. It broke me.

Eventually I had to go to class, luckily I had a free so I had some time to sort my mind out. I ended up talking to my friend James who showed me screenshots of him confronting Sam about him getting too close with Katie and explained everything that he knew. At that time all I had in my head was that whether Sam fully cheated or not, there was a major issue with showing his loyalty to me. As I spoke to more of my friends they shared stories of them speaking to him at parties about how he seemed too close with a girl, telling me about people he had sitting on his lap and girls that draped themselves onto him. It was awful to hear.

The next day I had him over to try and work out what was going on. I didn't know what was true and what wasn't so I couldn't just break up with him, it had been 10 months I wanted to fight for what we had. With lots of tears I explained everything I had heard and he admitted to times that maybe girls had been too close and accepted that he had been talking to Katie too much in February but denied any rumours of him asking girls for nudes or him cheating on me. We worked out some ways that he could be better and spoke about any issues that had come from him being with other girls. It was left at that

Two days later his dad passed away so all of this was sidelines.

We move a month or 2 forward. He was doing better after spending time grieving, we had both been in a good place for a while and our relationship was doing well.

When school started again though, issues continued to come up. I had become paranoid as his behaviour hadn't changed too much and he wasn't being considerate of how I felt about him and other girls. We spoke about it time and time again. Me constantly telling him how hurt I was and him promising a change that never happened. We had been together a year now and for some reason things never seemed to get better. I didn't eat, I barely slept, I was anxious and I was constantly doubting myself and my worth.

It got to a point that I couldn't go feeling like second best to him anymore, it was unhealthy. I told him I needed a break, even though saying that killed me. As much as I resented him for hurting me time and time again I still loved him to death. We said give it a month. I work on my own issues, he decides if he can stick to the boundaries im comfortable with and then we get back together into a more stable relationship.

At this point, I stopped eating. I only ate when I needed to and I only spoke when I was spoken to. I avoided social situations that would make me uncomfortable and I cried almost constantly. When you've been with someone for a year you get used to their presence, whether physical or over social media you get used to it and it's the strangest feeling when theyre no longer there.

We spoke a few times and I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had started to work out what id say in a months time, I was feeling the benefits of the break. So one night I texted him just to work out where his head was at. Bad idea. I spoke about how much I missed him and how well I was doing... he on the other hand spoke about how he thinks he should be with someone who loves him for him and doesn't want him to change. This started a full blown argument. I was upset that he was feeling that I wanted to change completely, he was upset because he had a right to be upset it was a rough time. All of a sudden he decided to go to sleep, that was enough. No more talking. Even though we had to go to a festival the next day. I went to bed furious and sad.

I woke up the next morning, about to start getting ready to go to this festival when I started feeling faint and nauseous. The effects of not eating properly were kicking in. I was stuck in bed, I slept for hours and I missed most of what was a day id been preparing for for months. Eventually I dragged myself out of bed and basically stumbled to the festival. I was tired, sick, angry and sad all at once. Seeing him didn't help. He was smiling and happy and having a great time. I left almost as quickly as I arrived after having a terrible day and went home.

I text Sam the next day asking if we could talk. I had gotten unnecessarily angry at him for expressing his feelings and he clearly had some stuff he had to talk to me about. We agreed to meet one day at lunch to chat.

We had been getting along all day, things were looking up. I started the conversation by apologising for being irrational when we spoke the other day and he apologised for hurting me, even if he didn't mean to. The next words that came out of his mouth though were unexpected

"I think you're amazing, you're beautiful, funny, kind but this time apart has made me realise that I was forcing something that wasn't there and I didn't actually love you" He said. Shocked my only response was

"right, well I don't know why I'm not surprised" We got up and I walked away. I kept my sh!t together pretty well until I saw my friends and broke down crying. After a year of being together, and saying I love you for months, he decided that it wasn't true. It made everything seem like a lie and my self worth become nothing.

And that was the end of that relationship....

xoxo your local snake