Love and Pride

gitme kal

Sanem

He wore my scarf wrapped around his wrist. I wish I had never walked into that library tonight and noticed that because now I was unable to stop thinking about the fact that he kept the scarf and wore it. Seeing that flash of pink on such a masculine creature appealed to something primal within me. I knew now that he definitely didn't know it was me on the balcony but it was obvious that he hadn't forgotten our passionate kiss and the knowledge softened me, made me ignore all the vows I'd made to avoid him completely.

Earlier tonight after that horrid dinner, I couldn't sleep for thinking of him and I decided to go down to the library to find a book to read. It was like I'd conjured him up. I opened the door and there he was. He had removed his jacket and underneath he wore a grey shirt that molded lovingly to all his muscles. He was sitting there immersed in a book and I thought that he had never looked more gorgeous.

After that, I'm not sure what happened. I couldn't watch him walk away so I kept stalling him and then he was in my space with his big body towering over me. His hands gently caressed my face and that strange chemistry that flowed between us before was positively nuclear now. I felt my body respond to his nearness in a way that shocked me, terrified me and excited me all at once... And then I ran. Again.

Now, I looked at the mural covering the wall in front of my bed. I'd had a recurring dream for years of an albatross in flight and decided to have a mural painted. It soothed something in me to look at it but tonight the albatross reminded me of him. Beautiful, bewitching, majestic, unstoppable. I fell into a restless sleep and I dreamt...

We sat outside on the grass facing each other. Both of us wearing white bright against the sea of green.

"You're so beautiful. I can't dare touch you," I said to him.

"Why did you run away from me?" he whispered in my ear.

My lids fell closed.

"Because I don't want you, " I said.

"Why?" his beautiful lips hovered over mine.

"I don't love you. Why don't you understand?" I lied.

"I don't believe you. The way you look at me, the way you touch me. I don't believe you."

He caressed my bottom lip with his thumb, I licked it with the tip of my tongue.

He groaned and buried his face in my neck.

"You don't know me," I uttered.

"What don't I know? Tell me." His lips ghosted lovingly over my cheeks, nose, eyelids.

I released a shivery breath.

"I don't want to talk. I want you to go." I said in his ear.

"I don't think I can stay away from you." He looked at me with his heart in his eyes...I was helpless against his raw honesty, I twined my arms around his neck and brought his lips down on mine. The kiss lit a small flame into an inferno. He lowered my body gently but urgently onto the ground, I sucked his lower lip and lightly bit down on it. He moaned helplessly, his hands digging into the grass beside my head, carefully keeping his weight off of me but I wanted him. I wanted to feel his big body flexing and working over mine more than I wanted my next breath. I shifted restlessly under him making sounds I'd never made before while he kissed my neck and ran his lips down to my cleavage. I loosened his hair and buried my hands in the thick strands...

I jolted awake when Leyla plopped down onto my bed.

"Gunaydin!" She said cheerfully.

I emerged from my sensual dream slowly and unwillingly. I cracked open one eye and glared at her. Leyla was an annoying morning person. I buried my face in my pillow and reminded myself that I loved her and would later regret strangling her.