Anxiety - A Rhekker Story

Dizziness and Falling

Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Depression(?), SELF HARM so if that's not your cup of tea, skip to the next chapter, or leave this story now because there will be more.

(Ava's P.O.V)

I wake up after a long night of tears. I look over to Connor and sigh when I see he's got my phone again. I gently take out my phone and then I take his earphones out of his ears. He scrunches his face but goes back to sleep almost immediately. I go and get ready for work at MED.

After a while, Connor wakes up and gives me a hug, "you feeling better today baby?" He asks me. I nod my head. He may think that I'm lying, but I'm telling the truth. I'm feeling so much better than last night. "That's good. If you still want, we'll go talk to Dr. Charles and see who he recommends," Connor says.

"No thanks, can it wait a while?" I ask, "I don't think I'm ready yet."

"Of course Avey. Take as much time as you need." Connor replies and kisses my forehead.

I sit down and watch Connor as he packs lunches for the two of us, but I'm more daydreaming until he yells, "Avey!" I look up at him and he looks at me, concerned. "You okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I reply. Connor nods his head and gives me my lunch.

"Okay, let's go before we're late," he says. I stand up and walk with Connor to his car. "Where are you today? He asks me.

"I'm up in C.T. You?" I reply.

"I'm in E.D, so we won't see much of each other today. Wanna meet in the cafeteria for lunch?" I hesitate for a moment, because ever since the phone call with my mother, I've tried to eat as little as possible, but I can't tell Connor that, so I agree, "Yeah, okay. Noon?" We both agree and I notice that we've made it to MED, so I take off my seatbelt and hop out of the car and walk towards the E.D entrance with Connor's hand in mine. When we get inside, I kiss Connor and walk towards the elevator.

After a few hours, I find myself walking towards the cafeteria to meet Connor. I look around and see Connor smiling at me. I go and sit down in front of him and laugh, "You're a goof-ball you know that?"

"Yeah I know that, what would you like?" Connor asks me.

I think for a moment before replying, "Just a small bowl of fruit. How has your day been so far?" I ask him.

"It's been quite quiet down in the E.D today, how about you?" Connor replies after he gets our food.

"Well, I've been yelled at by a patient for 'doing their surgery wrong' when the surgery went perfectly, and then Latham had a go at me for whatever again. So yeah, it's been good. Also, before I forget, what time do you get off?" I rant.

"That sounds like a pretty crappy day. I get off at 10. Why?"

"Oh, just so I know if I should worry about dinner or not. I get off at 7."

"It's okay, Avey. I'll get myself dinner after my shift. Connor tells me.

"Alright then, I'll see you after your shift." I stand up and give Connor a kiss before going back up to C.T.

I chuck my keys onto the bench as soon as I walk through the doors of my and Connor's apartment. I lock myself in the bathroom and get out my razor blade and clean it. I pull up my sleeve and push the razor blade up against my skin. I wince at the sudden pain and watch as the cut begins to bleed. It's an oddly satisfying pain.

One cut for my shitty day

One cut for my patient being unhappy

One cut for disappointing Dr. Latham

One cut for disappointing my mother

One cut for over-eating

I look down at the blood and begin cleaning it all up. I grab a hand towel and press it against my wrist. I suddenly hear the front door open, so I turn on the shower and quickly get in. "Avey?" Connor knocks on the door, "I'm home!"

"Yep, I'm wrapping it up now!" I shout back. I look down at my wrist, which is still bleeding and take a deep breath. I hop out of the shower and dry myself off. I begin brushing my hair and I look for bandages. I finally find some after a bit of searching and I sigh in relief when I see them. I begin wrapping it around my wrist and then I hear the door knock again, "Ava? Are you okay? You've been in there for a while."

"Yeah, I'm just about done! I'll be out in a second, Connor," I reply.

I walk out of the bathroom with a –fake- smile on my face and I go up to Connor and kiss him. "You're off early," I say to him.

"Yeah, well, you had a bad day so I got Dr. Marcel to cover for me. I just wanted to be with you for as long as possible," Connor tells me with love written all over his face.

"I love you," I blurt out without realising it. Once I've noticed what I said, I run and lock myself in the bathroom.

"Avey! There was no need to run!" Connor yells into the bathroom.

"What do you mean?" I yell back, also crying.

"Because I love you too!" Everything goes silent for about 10 seconds before Connor yells, "So open this damn door so I can kiss you!"

I slowly open the door and suddenly our lips are collided. We pull away and Connor wipes away my tears. "Don't cry, Avey."
"Sorry, it's just that, I don't know how you could love me. I'm a mess," I cry.

"Hey, that's okay! A mess can be fixed right? You won't go through anything alone," Connor says as he looks at me dead in the eye.

"Thank you, Connor. I love you so much. Ever since my mom said that I disappoint her, I thought that no one would ever love me again," tears begin welling up in my eyes again and Connor wipes away the tears that have fallen almost immediately.

"Hey, don't let your mother be the cause of your tears. You will always have someone who will love you, and you know who that is?"
"You?" I ask like a little kid.

"That's right. Now let's snuggle on the sofa. I'll watch Glee with you?"

(Connor's P.O.V)

After about an hour of watching Glee, I look down at Ava and notice that she has fallen asleep. I pick her up and take her to our bedroom and lay her down on our bed. I take off her pants and change them into pajama pants, then I slowly take off her shirt. I spot bandages on her wrist and sigh. I hold on to her hand for about 20 seconds before I put on her matching pajama shirt. I kiss her forehead, and I leave the room so I can get myself ready for bed. I'll ask her about the bandages in the morning.

I wake up the next morning and check the time, it's 06:36. I look to the other side of the bed and see that Ava is still sleeping peacefully. I get up and begin making Avey and I breakfast. Once breakfast is ready, I walk into our room and wake Avey up, "Hey, Aves, breakfast is ready, gorgeous. Might wanna get up and eat before work," I say.

"No breakfast. More sleep," Ava grumbles.

"Come on, Avey. I made scrambled eggs, your favourite."

"Fine. Only because you made it," Ava finally agrees.

(Ava's P.O.V)

Once I'm done eating breakfast, which I barely ate, I get changed for work and leave. I'm in the E.D today and Connor starts later than me, so I have more time to myself. "Hey, Ava! Ready for a long day?" Natalie says as soon as I walk in.

"Hey Nat. Yeah, I'm as ready as you are," I reply.

"Okay cool! I need you for a consult."

"Right behind you Nat!" I go in for the consult and as I walk out, I become really dizzy. I grab something next to me for balance, I squeeze my eyes shut, and I rub my forehead.

"Ava? Ava, are you okay?" I barely hear Natalie say.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I attempt to say, but then I passes out.