CONSUME

03.

CHAPTER THREE

Anxiety was a strange thing and an even stranger thing to live with. It seemed like Esther had been born with anxiety, as it molded to her like a second skin and had become so natural that she rarely questioned it. Overthinking was part of that anxiety when Esther wasn't overthinking she was thinking about all the things that she should overthink about. It seemed like she was overthinking so much that she forgot to actually think sometimes, which was strange but had become something so usual that she forgot she did it.  At work she didn't have time to overthink, her mind was constantly occupied with other things.

Books, books are what it was occupied with. The small cashier's desk at the rundown bookstore seemed to be her safe haven, wearing her name tag as proudly as a new police officer would wear their badge.

The store was owned by an embittered old man who hated everything and everyone with a profound rage. The store reflected his personality, the dark interior old and gloomy. He refused to renovate the old building, claiming that those who really wanted a book would get it despite the damaged walls or the quaint furniture. It did stand out in the idyllic town, being an eyesore compared to the well-painted houses and flower-filled pots. Still, most people did found a charm in the outdated bookstore and tended to complain only when another did. It was one of two bookstores in town, the other one being more modern and filled with the town's book club, consisting of six elderly ladies that loved to gossip more then they loved to read. It had only been about a year since she was hired but it already felt like she had been there since the door first opened.

At times, Esther would wonder if this is where she wanted to be in life seeing that most people in her age tended to flee from the small town, seeking something bigger and better. Most of them feared being stuck and never leaving the town, knowing that if you didn't leave you never would. It was one of the reasons why she found herself being quite lonely, all her old friends and classmates have left the day after graduation. Despite that, Esther found strong comfort in the perpetual. The fact that nothing changed comforted her, being 'stuck' had quickly become the exact same thing as comfort and safety for her. The thought of leaving had struck her but the second she stood behind the old counter, walked past the same old diner or past the same houses she did every day, she felt an immense feeling of being at home.

Glancing outside a hesitant feeling began to grow in her chest, it was already dark. Closing up the store was never an issue but it didn't mean that she necessarily liked it. Trough the colder months it would become dark early, leaving her to walk home alone in the dark. Despite having done it more times then she could count, it was just as unsettling every time. Attempting to shake off the feeling she gathered her things, putting on her wool coat and wrapping a thick scarf around her neck.

The October air hit her harshly as she stepped outside, the heavy door slamming behind her and the bell ringing loudly as the wind made it rustle heavily. After turning the key she checked to see if it was really locked, doing it twice out of habit and then a third time for reassurance. With her phone in her pocket and her keys in her hand she began the short, but seemingly endless walk home.

The only thing that could be heard was the rustling of the leaves and gravel under her feet, the rest of the neighborhood having a quiet, luminous atmosphere hanging over it. The large trees cast strange shadows onto the path, the ones that you had to look twice at to make sure that it was in fact shadows. The houses were quite, some showing light illuminating out onto the street from the windows, coming from the tv's or a lamp. The few stores were all closed by now, only the twenty four seven supermarket's neon sign glowing alone in the dark. It wasn't even near midnight but due to the cold and the dark, no one was out in the small town except for her and the occasional dog walker.