Boy In The Mirror - JJP boyxboy

Chapter 24

After having stared at the screen for hours on end, Jaebum finally mustered the courage to press the submit button. This was it. All he could do now was wait, for either two outcomes. Either he could win, or he would not. And if the latter happened, it was over with his dreams. Even if that old man killed himself, the debt would either go over to him or his mother. No more music. No more writing songs. No more, living his life as if it belonged to him. All he could do was work. Work till he could no more. Work till death.

Jinyoung came walking down the stairs. He was walking towards the coat rack, a bag, facemask and a phone in his hands. That's right. It was time again. Time for him to head out.

''I entered my song'', Jaebum said.

Jinyoung turned around, his raven hair falling smoothly over his face. The corners of his mouth lifting into a smile, and just then had Jaebum noticed that there was blood. Or rather some kind of bruise on his face.

''That's good to know'', Jinyoung spoke, the side of his lips forming cracks that looked like they hurt a lot more than he was showing.

Jaebum didn't speak after that. He just stared at Jinyoung. He stared at Jinyoung packing his things. Jinyoung wearing pulling the coat over his shoulders. As graceful as anything could be. Jaebum tapped his fingers on the table. He felt the need to stand up. Move his limbs. Something like running. Anything to release the tension that was slowly building up inside him. He needed to say something. Something before Jinyoung walked out.

''Where are you going'', Jaebum spoke, scaring himself with his voice. He hadn't expected himself to pull it. Ever.

He looked at the other, eagerly waiting for his answer.

''Hmm...'', Jinyoung hummed, his voice having a tint of raspiness to it. ''It's better you don't know''.

And just like that, he had slammed the door. He had left. Left Jaebum, feeling empty. 

He had been feeling weird these days. As if he had a void inside him. A dark void. A never-ending dark void that consumed everything, leaving him feeling nothing. Empty. Nothing to subside his hollow soul that creeps in the shadows. He felt odd admitting that he felt hollow, just like plastic dolls with a painted face revealing no guilt, sadness, emptiness - emotion.

He let out a deep sigh, laying down on the ground. He broke down yesterday in front of Jinyoung. That's the part he regretted the most. It still felt like a dream to him. It certainly had the fantasy feel to it. The truth was, he felt like he hadn't cried that day. It felt wrong. He shouldn't have done that.

Just then a vibration in his pocket brought him back. His phone was ringing. Jaebum picked it up, staring at the screen. It was Youngjae. Apparently, it was something urgent. He let out a sigh. He needed a breath of fresh air anyways.

He quickly jumped on his feet, walking towards the door. He grabbed onto a coat and pushed the door open. Just at the cold air hit him, he felt another vibration. He fished out his phone from the pocket. It was Youngjae again. He was asking to meet in a cafe.

Jaebum kept walking. In this late autumn, the weather had been as predictable as a child's game. He could leave the house under a blue sky broken only with a smattering of picture-book clouds, barely moving in the imperceptible breeze, and return in a frigid rainstorm too gusty even for an umbrella. In between the dramatic changes were the smaller ones too, warm became cold when some cumulus blocked the feeble sun, rain could become stinging hailstones could for just a few moments, wicked freezing wind could wane to a wintry breeze.

Jaebum pushed the door open to the cafe, finally noticing Youngjae. He was sitting in the far right corner, tapping his feet and biting his nails. The sound was awful and vile, but worst of all, it didn't use to be a habit of his.

The bell rung, signaling a customer had entered the cafe, which caused Youngjae to look back. And as he did, he finally noticed Jaebum. The younger stumbled out of his chair, walking in an uneven curved line. Youngjae grabbed hold of Jaebum's shoulder, leaving him wide-eyed.

''You need to end it with Jinyoung'' Youngjae said with a cracking voice. ''Leave the apartment, now!''.

Jaebum stood there stunned. What did he mean by that? Wasn't he the one who was obsessing over getting the bottom of this?

''It all makes sense now'', Youngjae kept on rambling without giving Jaebum any decent information to latch on to.

Jaebum walked up to him, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. He gently rubbed his arm, trying to calm him down his nerves. He wasn't going to get anything useful out of Youngjae, if he kept on being so wordy and incoherent.

Jaebum caressed his cheek, finally getting a sigh of relief from Youngjae.

''The thing that binds you and Jinyoung together'', he mumbled. ''It's going to kill both of you''.

Jaebum stared at him, and for a moment he swore he had seen Nichole. He quickly backed off, his hand pushing the man away before he had any time to think things through.

It was her. Her voice. Her words. They wouldn't leave him. No matter what he did, what Nichole said wouldn't leave him. His nerves were frayed to the quick. In his building anxiety, he constructed detailed rationalizations for why everything would turn out alright, but still, the nagging voice in the back of his mind spoke of nothing but doom ahead. Nausea clawed at her throat, but he tried to force down the bile. He felt sick. He wanted it all to end. He wanted everything to go back to normal.

He doesn't want to die.

Jaebum clasped his hands together behind his neck, trying to force himself to breathe manually.

Just then his eyes landed on Youngjae's frame. There was something odd about it. Something sticking out. He brought his hand along, pulling out a book from underneath his shirt.

''What's this?'', Jaebum asks staring at the cover.

The more he stared at it, the more it felt like a diary of someone. But why was Youngjae carrying around a diary? Also, a rather old one.

''The only thing I could find in common with all the owners'', Youngjae smiled through his bloodshot eyes. As much as he feared for what was to happen to his friend, he had problems of his own. He cared for Jaebum, he did, but nothing could hide the fact that he saw someone. Not once, but twice. If Jaebum and Jinyoung shared some kind of bound, then the same would apply for him and Jackson. And as much as he hated to admit it, he feared it more than anything.

Jaebum bit his lip, tracing the outline of the book. Just then, he flipped the top over, revealing the first page.

..

ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ᴡʜᴏ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴꜱ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʙᴏᴏᴋ. 

ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄɪʀᴄᴜᴍꜱᴛᴀɴᴄᴇꜱ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ʀᴜɴ ᴀᴡᴀʏ.

ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴏꜰ ɢᴏᴅ, ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ɪ ʙᴇɢ ʏᴏᴜ. ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏᴡ, 

ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ɪᴛ ᴋɪʟʟs ʏᴏᴜ!