Killing Me To Love You | ✓

[ 19 ]

Inaya's POV

"C-could you p-please uncuff m-me?" I quietly ask the woman who's busy counting the money Dominic gave her.

"Sure thing, hun." The woman grabs the keys from the nightstand.

Dominic has left to take a shower without giving me second look. He didn't even bother acknowledging me afterwards.

The woman unlocks my hands and the second they're freed, my wrists start stinging as if they've been set on fire.

"My name's Darcie, by the way." She extends her hand to shake.

I carefully shake her hand, trying not to wince from the pain. "I'm Inaya."

She smiles. "Oh! What a pretty name!"  Then, she sighs. "Sorry I didn't stop what was happening to you. If I did, he would've probably shot me pointblank right then and there. I couldn't risk it."

It looked like she was enjoying the whole thing though...

I give her a weak smile, "Thank you. Enjoy the rest of the night."

She nods at me with a guilty look in her eyes.

I walk out of the room, quietly but quickly. My wrists are stinging, my body's aching and I feel dirty yet again.

At this rate, I'll fall apart quicker than I thought.

I hadn't realized my hijab has been holding on for dear life; I'm shocked it didn't just fall off. I sadly laugh at myself, I guess hijab under-caps are magical.

I slip out of my clothes and enter the shower. The second the hot water hits my body, I break down. Something in my mind set off and I begin scrubbing myself painfully hard.

I try to scrub away the dirty feeling; I scrub and scrub until it felt like my body was set on fire. It didn't help that I kept turning up the temperature of the water to as hot as I could.

I know, I know there's no washing away the feeing but I just can't seem to accept that. I'm slowly loosing my sanity and my thoughts are a mess.

I sit on the edge of the marble seat that's in the shower and sob with my arms wrapped around my body. I cry loud enough to try to make my heart feel lighter but there's no use.

After a little while, I force myself out of the shower, the towel scrubbing my body so hard that my skin turns a bright red.

I examine myself in the full length mirror, my body's far from perfect; very far from perfect. Looking at Darcie's perfect figure made me slightly more insecure than I already am.

Her body is shaped like a perfect hourglass with thickness on all the right places. She has the cinched waist, with the flat stomach. Her breasts were plump and perfectly shaped at just the right size of a C or maybe even a D cup. Her body glowed with not a single mark or flaw on it.

The more I stare at my reflection, the more insecure I become. I have lumps of fat around my stomach, my arms aren't the skinniest, my thighs aren't the thinnest. I have scars from battles I fought throughout my short life; whether they're physical or emotional scars. My body has stretch marks and pigmentation that I wish I didn't have. I have body hair in places I wish I didn't have. Sometimes, I joke that I received more male hormones than female.

Sure, my breasts fall on the bigger side but they aren't as lifted and plump like Darcie's. The size of them literally don't matter because they don't look as... perfect as hers.

No wonder Dominic enjoys his time with her; enjoys looking at her; enjoys...

I quickly shake my head, clearing my thoughts.

I haven't been the most confident about my body, I don't think I ever was. Growing up in a society where you watch influencers on social media platforms looking so perfect doesn't help either.

I've always been uncomfortable in my skin. Sometimes, I even felt guilty while eating. It didn't help that my own father made fun of my appearance. He didn't like the way I looked; said I was too big, no one would love me or let alone marry me if I keep this up...

I quickly pull myself out of the black hole I was falling into and get dressed into the super soft pyjama set Angela had brought me. I dry my hair and loosely wrap a black scarf around my head just in case.

The second I jump onto the bed, certain parts of my body begins stinging. It was probably a reaction from all the scrubbing I did inside and outside of the shower.

But I just ignore it, I let it burn, I let it make me uncomfortable just because I think I deserve it. I deserve to suffer, I must've committed a huge sin in order to receive such a punishment.

My door slowly swings open and I almost jump to my feet.

Dominic stands in the doorway, in his grey sweatpants and no shirt, of course.

My God, he looks so good in this sweats...

Ya Allah! Inaya! Stop! This man just keeps making your life miserable and all you can think of is how good he looks in those sweats?

"Did you enjoy your night?" He smirks.

I don't look up at him, I look down at the bed covers, because I know if I make eye contact with him, my eyes will start watering and my nose will turn red and stuffy since all I see is pain whenever I look at him.

I see him approaching me and stop right when he gets beside my bed. I slightly turn my head in the opposite direction.

"You didn't have fun, I'm assuming?" His tone softens.

I shake my head.

Was his voice just... did he just ask nicely?

He gently grabs my arm but I flinch because of how much it's stinging.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

I turn my head further away from him.

"I asked, what's wrong?" His voice much more stern.

When I don't answer, he pulls up my sleeve to reveal my extremely irritated and slightly bleeding arm.

"What the fuck did you do?" He raises his tone, making me wince.

I don't answer him, though. Instead, I snatch my arm away from his grasp.

"It doesn't matter." I mumble.

"Who did this to you?" He asks. "I asked you a goddamn question!" This time, he yells.

"I did! I did it to myself! You want to know why? Because I'm slowly crumbling away and it's all your fault!" I don't know where this tone came from. I didn't even know I had it in me to even slightly raise my voice at Dominic.

The look in his eyes when I said that... I couldn't quite explain. It was almost like I kicked a puppy. Instead of feeling victorious after my outburst, which he is partially to blame for, I felt guilty.

He doesn't say anything, rather, he turns around and walks out of the room.

I sigh, why am I like this? Why do I feel bad? I did the right thing, didn't I?

- - -

A/N: hiii! Sorry guys! I didn't update because I'm in the middle of a a family emergency! It might be a few day's before I begin updating on time again! Please bear with me. 😭

Next Update: in a few days, Insha'Allah!

Please vote and comment and let me know how y'all feel!!