Restored (A Caleo Selection)

20 ~ A Confidant So Sweet

"Still no luck?"

Madeleine shook her head sadly. "I'm afraid not, miss."

It had been four days since Leah had gone missing, and there had been no word from her. I glanced over at Kate, who was changing the sheets of the bed, her eyes dull and lifeless.

"I'm sorry. I don't know that I can do anything else." I hated this helpless, weak feeling. And yet, underneath it, I knew there was something I could do, but I didn't want it to come to that. I sat down at the wooden desk and ran my fingers along the letter that had arrived a few hours ago, requesting my presence for a date with the prince this afternoon. I couldn't wait for the distraction.

Kate looked over and mumbled something under her breath. Madeleine gave her a warning look, and I stiffened. "What did you say, Kate?"

"I said it's awfully convenient for the prince to be spending all his time with girls who've lost their heads over him when there's important matters at hand," she snapped, ignoring Madeleine's frantic gesturing.

I stood and crossed my arms, forcing her to look up at me. Being tall did come in handy sometimes. "You know very little of all he's been doing for Illéa in the past few weeks. You're assuming he holds out the Selection because he wants to -- did you ever wonder if that wasn't the case?" I slammed my hand on the desk.

"I understand that you're hurting over the potential loss of your friend, but that doesn't give you an excuse to take it out on him. And from the way they've been acting, you're taking it out on Opal and Madeleine, too." Kate looked away.

"You should know that he has soldiers inquiring after Leah all over. He doesn't even have to have them search; after all, she's a servant. He could simply hire a replacement if he wanted. But he didn't. You have no right to talk about him like that."

I turned and left the room, a hot coal still burning in my chest. I hurried to the fourth floor and knocked on Piper's door with a force that surprised me. Almost immediately a fair-haired maid opened it.

"Calypso, is that you?" Piper called. I spotted her at her desk, drawing something, and I sat down on her bed.

"Something wrong?" Piper asked, and I shrugged. Her brow creased. "Lenore, close the door, please." The maid hurried to comply, slipping out as she did. "Now, tell me what's going on."

I rested my chin on my hand. "I'm just confused."

"About?"

"Everything!" The frustration and weeks of questioning and bewilderment finally exploded. "I didn't even want to be a part of this in the first place because I was provoked into it, but now I'm terrified that I might be eliminated and I don't know why. I get so angry when someone speaks bad about him, but I'm afraid of being with him. I'm scarred and weak and I don't like it. I'm tired of being confused and helpless and I just want to never feel again, because no matter what happens, there's always too many obstacles!"

"Calypso." Piper sat down beside me, her hand on my back. "Breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight. Just breathe."

I slowly inhaled and exhaled, refusing to let the tears burning behind my eyes spill over.

"Now. Let's start with the first thing. Do you really think you love him?"

I laughed bitterly. "How should I know? Every time I've thought I loved someone, they betrayed me. Maybe love isn't even real. It's been distorted and twisted too much. And even if it is, I don't think I want it."

"Oh, Calypso." Piper leaned her head on my shoulder. "Love is real, trust me. Attraction comes on its own, but love is a decision -- wanting what's best for the other person and choosing to provide it. I am only just finding that out myself. But I know. I have chosen to love Jason, and he says he loves me, and I trust him. That's all anyone can do. Of course there's going to be trials and maybe heartbreak, but that's a risk you must take."