Restored (A Caleo Selection)

25 ~ A Solitude So Sharp

I had thought I was growing restless here. Leo outdid me by a mile.

By the end of the next day, he'd had me bring him a chair just so he could take it apart and build random things out of it. He scribbled in the notebooks endlessly, designing and drawing who knew what.

Despite his ceaseless energy, I was glad to have him there. Human contact of any kind was a gift, and the fact that it was him made it that much better.

I was sitting with him as usual when he finally broke. "There's got to be a way out. I'm so sick of being here when they need me back at the palace, Cal!"

I sighed. "We've been over this."

"No, you've just decided to give up. That's the real reason you never got off Ogygia," he snapped.

That stung. I could have told him precisely how many escapes I'd attempted and failed (twelve). I could have informed him of the excruciating pain that came from the chip embedded in my arm whenever I swam more than thirty feet away from the island. I could have said any number of things to disprove him. But I chose to stay quiet.

After a minute, he kicked at the ground. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry."

"You better be."

"I'm just so sick of being stuck here." He glanced over. "I know that's not fair. You've been here longer."

"It doesn't matter." I leaned back against the wall. "You're right, they need you. There's got to be something we can use, some information to barter with..."

Leo bashed his arm against the wall. "I hate this. I hate this so much. And now I'm hurting you because I'm angry and I just really fricking want to get out of here."

I bit my lip, trying not to look at him. I didn't want another breakdown.

"Calypso. Hey. That's not what I...oh, lordy, I'm screwing this up so hard." He clutched my hand. "Please look at me."

I tried to meet his eyes, unwilling to hold them for long.

"This is not your fault, and I didn't mean to imply that it was. I just -- I'm just frustrated. You're more the victim here than I am. None of this is your responsibility."

I sighed. "We both know that's not entirely true."

"Why? Because of a stupid mistake you made when you were young?" Leo challenged. "You were eleven, Cal. You were a child. You shouldn't have been punished for -- "

"I've heard it, okay? It doesn't matter how many times you tell me. If you'd never met me, we wouldn't be here."

"If I'd never met you, I might be miserable!" Leo's voice rose in intensity. "Don't you understand? I just want to love you, free from all this!"

I shut my eyes. Don't cry. Do not cry.

Silence. Then, "Cal?"

"I'm here."

"Cal, I'm sorry. I really need to shut up."

I laughed, though sorrow burned in my chest. "Please don't."

He drew in a long breath. "I need you to be aware that I don't blame any of what's happening on you. None of it. This is not your doing, and the fact that you aren't a 'normal' candidate from the Selected won't stop me from choosing you. I'd do anything for you."

I had to turn away. Why couldn't I be normal? Why couldn't we be back at the palace, saying these things to each other in safety?

"Talk to me?" Leo pleaded.