A broken story

23:59

I'm sitting at the train station, waiting for the last train home.
My phone doesn't want to work anymore so there is no more distraction.

I start looking around. At the tree leaves that are blowing in the wind. The train that rushes past my station in the other direction. The wind that is blowing in my face but it isn't cold. It's just perfect... but still i have this acing feeling inside that doesn't want to go to rest. It's clawing at my feeling of happiness trying to pull it down in a pit of sorrow that is inescapable. I try to fight it but sometimes late at night it comes and doesn't go till it takes a little of my happines with it and steals some tears in the progress.

My train comes. It's an old one. The one were you need to push the leaver down to open it. I get in and find myself a seat. It's quit crowded. Just like my mind, but still a little place on the far left side.

Still wondering around with my headphones at the loudest volume. In times like this you start wondering... all this people but i still feel lonely. You know what i mean right?

You start wondering... would they know what would happen if they look me in the eyes, Would they be able to look underneath the fake smile that is on my face right now? Would they know i'm not okay? Or would they just assume i'm okay and that the friendly smile i send there way is real?
I wouldn't know i'm not going to ask. I'm not in the mood for a conversation so when the controleur comes by i give my ticket without taking my headphones off. I know kinda rude but i also don't want him to smell the liquor on my breath. I'm not wasted. I'm flushed.

Or at least that's what i try to convince myself.

Last stop. My stop. Then a bike ride home and in bed.
Ready to be pulled in to the inescapable pit with just me, my thoughts and the darkness of the room. And a little bit of that darkness that is already clawed it's way in to my mind and heart trying to claim it as his own.