Life Without You

Four.

Arizona -

Three ambulances pulled up in front of the hospital and everyone got busy working. There was supposedly a fire nearby. I had a little boy who got trapped in the fire. If it weren't for his father saving him he'd probably be dead by now. After his surgery I was beyond tired. My feet were killing me, and I was starving. I needed to get something to eat quickly.

I went to go find Callie hoping that we could sit and have lunch together. I find her in the hallway talking with some woman. She looked very  upset. I didn't know what they were talking about but from the looks of things Callie wanted no parts of the conversation.

I see Lexie walking by so I stop her. "Hey Lexie, uhm who's the woman that Callie's talking too?" I ask while looking in Callie's direction.

"Oh that's Erica Hahn, she was our old Chief of Pediatrics," she responds.

"What's up with her and Callie?" I look at Lexie and she puts her head down.

"Come on you can tell me," I say to her.

"They used to date it's a long story with a lot of drama I'm sure in due time Callie will tell you," she says back.

"Yeah hopefully," I respond. By now Callie is really upset and she's yelling.

"Erica I said I don't want to talk to you! You walk out of my life and come back and think things are going to be okay? We were starting our life together Erica and then you just up and leave I have nothing to say to you, walk away from me now!" She yells before storming off to an on call room.

Before Hahn walks away she looks at me and I look at her. I don't know if I should go after Callie or not. Maybe she needs to time to calm down. Maybe she wants to be by herself, so I decided it's best if I just give her her space.

I go to the cafeteria and grab lunch. I find Lauren sitting at a table by herself reading a book and eating. "Hey mind if I sit with you?" I ask.

"No go ahead," she says. I sit and began eating. She puts her book down.

"Hey you don't have to stop reading don't let me bother you," I say to her.

"Oh no, you're fine, reading helps me calm down," she says before eating her sandwich.

"Oh yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah reading helps me clear my mind and it takes me to another world, I figure it's my escape from this real world. It's an escape from all my problems," she says back.

"Wow I never thought about reading as an escape,"

"Yeah, I just had to tell this elderly woman that her husband who came in with a minor cold, is dead due to heart problems. He hadn't told her anything about his problems breathing, he didn't want her to worry but," she shakes her head before finishing her sandwich.

"Yeah sometimes this job sucks, you get a patient and you think you can save them but then you don't and then you have to break the news to their families," I say sadly.

"Yeah if reading isn't your thing, I say find something that is, and use that as your escape," she smiles. I smile back. I never notice how beautiful her smile is.

"Well I have another surgery to get too," I say before getting up.

"Same here see you around," she says back.
My mind was on Callie as I got on the elevator, I hoped she was doing okay.

*********

Callie -

"Whats going on with you Torres?" Mark asks as he came into the on call room where I was crying my eyes out.

"I can't do this Mark! I can't! Why is she here! I'm am happy now Mark, I want to see how things go with Arizona, I'm so past this. Every time I try to move on Erica, she just,ugh I need Arizona right now," I say as I run my fingers through my hair.

"You want me to go get her?" He asks

"No, I- I need to figure out what I'm going to do," I say back. He leaves and I take a few breaths. I needed to think and process this all. Part of me wanted to go knock on the chiefs door and give him a piece of my mind.

Erica told me that she was back permanently, but instead of being chief of pediatrics she was just going to be an attending cardio surgeon. She told me she missed me and wanted a second chance.

If she had of never left me she wouldn't need a second chance. I loved Her with every fiber in my being and she up and left when times got hard. Now I have Arizona and I don't want to lose her she's my everything but I just don't know. My heart and mind is all over the place.

Hearing Erica tell me she loves me, it hurts because all those dark nights when I wanted to hear her say it she was no where to be found, and now when I find true happiness she thinks she can just pop back up in my life again?

My pager went off, I cleared my face and left the on call room going into surgery. Before I went in to operate I cleared my mind of everything going on in my life so that I could focus on the patient.

I hated that I had to see Arizona during this surgery. I couldn't look in her eyes because my mind kept replying what Erica said. Did she really love me? Did she really care about me? Was she hear for a second chance? Arizona looked at me a few times and I turned away.

After the surgery she called after me but I kept walking away like I didn't hear her. I clocked out and went to go get my baby girl from daycare.

*********

Later That Night -

I was watching movies with Sophia when my phone kept going off the hook. It was text messages from both Erica and Arizona. I decided to respond to Arizona she deserved to at least know that I was okay.

Arizona : hey just checking up on you to make sure you're okay.

Me : hey I'm fine honestly I am I'm actually watching movies right now with Sophia.

Arizona : wish I was there

I smiled at the messages before turning my attention back to the movie. I looked to see that my princess had fallen asleep. I went to go tuck her in and afterwards I eventually got in bed. I was about to fall asleep when my phone vibrated from another text.

I looked to see that it was from Arizona.

Arizona : goodnight beautiful sweet dreams

I smiled my heart melted instantly. Just as I was responding back, Erica texted me.

Erica : when are you going to push this behind us and give me another chance

Again I ignored her and texted Arizona back. We texted for a while she had me laughing my ass off she was so funny. I wished like hell she was right here cuddling in bed with me. Instead we were planning our second date. Tomorrow instead of eating lunch with everyone else we going to go on a picnic date at the park.

It was Arizona's idea and come to think of it I haven't done that in years. She was so romantic , I couldn't wait to spend more dates with her. Before I could do that I had to end things once and for all with Erica. I needed to cut all ties I was not going to let her come fuck up my happiness.