Better man

It's a long way down

The hot Bali sun was peeking through the blinds of our hotel room. It had been 72 hours since our plane touched down. Sweat was pouring off of Luke as he continued to shake uncontrollably in my lap. By this time tomorrow the drugs that were left lingering in his system would be gone. But at this very moment the withdrawals were coming in waves. Besides a few trips to the bathroom when I could manage to wiggle out from under him, we hadn't left this bed since we arrived. There were towels and blankets scattered everywhere, our suitcases untouched. The smell of vomit filled the room. He had emptied the contents of his stomach into the bucket next to us until nothing but bile was left to burn his throat .He dug his nails into the flesh on my forearms nearly making me bleed time and time again. I could only imagine the things he was seeing as he fought against his own subconscious. As awful as it had already been the worst was setting in.

"it hurts...IT HURTS "Luke

"Shhh.. it's ok."Cherry

"Please.. Anything... make it stop." Luke

He thrashed around as he cried out. "Ari! ARI I need it, something... anything!! " he started reaching around trying to grasp something that could take the edge off. I wrapped my legs around him and rocked him gently as I patted the sweat beads from his eyebrows. Someday me and that bitch were going to have it out, but today all I could do was try my best to guide him through this.

"It's me Luke. "

I ran my hand through his hair as I continued to rock him.

"Help me Chels. (he choked back tears).. please" I knew he was suffering. In the 3 months we had spent together only a handful of times had he called me by my actual name.

"I'm trying my best.." cherry

He rolled over to his stomach and wrapped his arms around my waist as he cried. I ran my hands down his back and did the only thing I could think to do, sing....

"In this house of broken hearts, we made our love out of stacks of cards.. and yes we tried, to hold on tight, cause we knew our love was hard to find.. " cherry

I continued to sing at barley above a whisper until his thrashing stopped and his breathing evened out. His head became heavy in my lap. For a few hours, at least, he could forget all this.

At some point during the late morning hours I finally dosed off, sitting straight up, Luke's head still in my lap. Partially from exhaustion the rest hunger. It had been a very long  three days but if in the end Luke was better, even if he hated my guts , it would all be worth it...

XX

I woke to hands sliding up my thighs. If I wasn't so tired I probably would have reacted faster. His hands were on my waistband trying to undo the knot before I became  aware of what was happening. I opened my eyes to see a person who looked like Luke but his eyes said other wise. I grabbed his hands.

"Luke. LUKE stop. What are you doing?"

"Come on, let's not play hard ball today ok? You know why I'm here. I need the pills " Luke

Luke was not himself in this moment. He was hallucinating. Living in a dream of a time where he had picked up drugs from someone for sex. I assume she thought hard to get was a fun game to play to make the pill exchange worth her time. I don't know who she was but I hate her as much as I hate Ari. Luke isn't short on money so he must have, at one point, enjoyed this sexual game. I had to think fast. Even though he was withdrawing he was stronger than me. In this state there was no telling what could happen and sober Luke would never forgive himself.

"Luke there are no pills here. You are detoxing. This isn't real." Cherry

he stopped messing with my pants and slid up over top of me stopping right by my ear.

"How about I do that thing you like." He ran his tongue across my earlobe.

"please stop. It's me Luke. This isn't a drug exchange. I'm trying to help you,,( he cuffed my wrists with his large hands)

"ITS ME! LUKE LOOK AT ME. DONT DO THIS!  PLEASE!! IT'S ME"

Luke pulled away from my neck and looked at me.

"Cherry?" Somehow my pleading managed to snap him out of the dream. His pale skin and sunken eyes were haunting but some how he was still the most beautiful human I'd ever looked at.

"Yea it's me."

"Oh god what have I done?"

He released me from his grip and sat on the edge of the bed as far from me as he could.

"Luke it's ok."

"No it isn't. I almost... I could have.. (he choked on his words) oh fuck..please don't hate me. (He pulled his knees to his chest and began to rock back and forth) please you're all I have I'm so sorry."

I got off the bed and walked around so that I'd be in front of him. I knelt down and placed my hand on his knee.

"Hey..:" He burried his face into his legs as he rocked. 

"I'm such a fuck up"

"Luke, please look at me. " A few minutes passed and he finally looked up.

"Cherry I " he started crying

"Shhhh it's ok.. I don't hate you. I could never. It's going to be ok. " I wrapped my arms around him and let him cry.

"How about we get you in the shower and I'll get all this cleaned up ok? "

It took some time and most of the strength I had left to get Luke into the shower. He sat in the corner and closed his eyes as the water fell around him. I called house keeping for fresh sheets and towels and got everything into the hallway. I opened the window to let in some fresh air before I ordered some soup for the both of us. Even if he only got a few bites in at least it was something. As I finished making the bed I heard a loud thump noise . As I headed to the bathroom I heard it again and again. I opened the shower curtain to see Luke banging his head against the wall.

"I can't take much more... It's to much." He continued to hit his head in a rhythmic pattern like a toddler trying to sooth themselves to sleep.  "I'm so exhausted but my head is screaming."

I stepped into the shower and knelt in front of him, " It's almost over. If you stop now it will all be for nothing.. "

"My skin is crawling.. I can't do this." He leaned his head back and clenched his jaw.

I cupped his face in my hands. " you are going to make it. I will take care of you. "

"I almost...god you should leave. "

"No, I am staying. I promised. " I sat down on the shower floor and pulled him into my lap.

"I'm proud of you.. I know this is hard." I poured some shampoo into my hand and started massaging his scalp. He closed his eyes and leaned back into me.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life."

I wanted to say that there was no where else I'd rather be. Because even on his worst day he was the most amazing person I'd ever met. Now wasn't the time. So I tried to keep it light.

"Oh now come on, with all those Rockstar pick up lines how could I ever resist this friendship."

A small smile crept across his face but he kept his eyes closed enjoying his hair being played with.

"Cherry, the only girl on the planet who has ever told me to put my clothes back on."

I laughed "sit up lets rinse your hair before the water gets cold. "

Xx
By the time we got out of the shower the chills were setting in. Luke tried his best to eat a few bites of soup but within minutes his teeth were chattering as he shook in the chair. I grabbed a hoodie out of his suit case and pulled it over his head.

"Come on, back to bed. Let's warm you up."

He wanted to protest but he was exhausted. This was the final step. One more rough patch before the finish line. It would be a long night ahead. I wrapped him in a comforter and put my arms around him.

"One more night." Cherry