Never Spring

Family

I got home to the smell of food cooking and sight of uncle and Noah playing with toys in front of the kitchen door.
We never needed much and were always drawn to share the same space even though we could each be doing our own thing.

"I'm home." I announced and left my shoes by the door.
"Excellent. Give me a minute and we can all eat." auntie said and I left my bag in the corner and sat down close to the playmates. It seems that today's play was about pirates and sentient machines.

"Grab a plate everyone." auntie Helen called so we did. A warm meal around a small table for soon to be bigger family. Auntie eased herself slowly in the chair by uncle's side who then kissed her forehear.
"Thank you for the food." we all said in unison.
"How was school, Joan?" auntie asked.
"The usual, but not a lot of homework today." I said, expecting her to ask about homework next.
"Anything you want help with?" uncle asked and I observed him for a moment.
"I can do it on my own. Thank you." I decided out loud.
"You're the boss." he smiled at me, but my mouth was too full for me to smile back.
Uncle is a gentle man. He is good to my auntie and Noah, and tries to help me whenever I need it, but I like to keep a little distance between us. Auntie and I agreed this was alright to do, better than getting to close in each other's space and ending up hurting each other. Auntie called it "keeping a healthy boundary." for as many simple days like today, there were days I couldn't be part of the happy family. I just couldn't...

Uncle had deep blue eyes and light brown hair.
"Maybe the twins will even out the playing field." auntie joked.
I wondered privately if the twins will look more like auntie or uncle.
He looked nothing like us. We all had darker skin, darker hair, and darker eyes. At home, uncle stood out. Outside... It was us who were looked at differently.

It was harder at first. Mom had us all change our names to fit in better. Mom is so smart... Was so smart.

"You were a little late, Joan." auntie looked at me, worried. "Is everything alright? Anyone giving you trouble?"
"No. Everything is alright. I just don't want to push and shove my way out so I start packing my bag a little later..."
"Just so?" auntie's brown almond eyes were nothing like mom's.
"Yes." I lied and filled my mouth with food. When I last told her I went to visit mom she yelled at me... She yelled at me and pointed me to the graveyard. "That is where you can visit her, but not alone." she had said. I know mom left us. I know it hurts auntie to think about it. But she was just trying to escape the fire. She wouldn't leave us alone on purpose. At least that is what I believed.

After we finished the food I surrounded myself with homework that needed to be done.
Uncle went back to playing with Noah and auntie watched over them, smiling peacefully.

Mom... I miss you. They all have each other but I feel so alone.
I miss you so much.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my drawing to give it to auntie. She was happy with it, proudly showing it off to uncle.
And I... I thought of the drawing I left behind...