Never Spring

What Matters?

An overnight observation was a lie, I see it now. They didn't want to scare me, thought it would influence me somehow?
Something is wrong with my heart and they are having troubles pinpointing what.
My family comes over whenever they can. Auntie said Noah can't come with...
I know she is protecting him.
I feel... I don't know.
I should feel something about this situation, shouldn't I?

Tired.
There is only just the exhaustion, exhaustion and an attack.
These are my two states.

I had one yesterday while auntie was here. She was only talking to me and flipped my hair behind my ear.
Heartbeat so loud and so fast, in blinding pain I tried to scream...
Hospital staff rushed to my side as auntie alerted them...

It was later when I woke up, worn out, that I saw that I was taken to another room, now completely alone.

***

I hear my family calling me... My father, my mother together again with arms spread wide open for me. I try to move but my legs don't move. I look down, snakes slither up to my knees, sea of snakes, I see no end to them. Their skins on my skin, a few of them are riding up my legs and I kick and scream.
"Get OFF! Get off!" I cry...

"Joan!" my auntie's voice snaps me out of my dream, my vision is blurred, I hear the beeping of medical equipment. I struggle to breathe.
Breathe, breathe, breathe....

I manage to calm down. The nurse that appeared by my side breathes a sigh of relief with me.

"We will have to give you something to ease you through the night." she mutters.

Auntie holds my hand and I almost jump out of my skin.

"I'm sorry, I..." she trails off and I wish I could say it's nothing.
There is something I'm forgetting...

It doesn't matter... The days pass the same...