medicine {h.s.}

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

june.

"Now," Vargas claps her hands again as a means of demanding our attention. The five of us look at her like she is our savior. She is. Tomorrow is the USMLE Step 3 exam—the same one we've been preparing for and dreading for the past several weeks, months, really—and today she is letting us off early. The rationale of such a benevolent action from her was her interest in us all being well-rested for day one of the exam. "Y'all are my babies," she continues, looking at each of us with a rare type of smile. It's not conditional, for once. For once she is looking at us and it is clear as day that she isn't pissed. As she looks at us now, all that is visible is a proud mother looking down on her children. "I love y'all no matter what, but I need y'all to make me proud tomorrow.

"This year hasn't been easy on any of us, but you handled it with such grace and excellence. I'm thankful that I got to know and teach you; and now I look forward to the opportunity to work with you as equals when it comes to it." She speaks articulately and ensures eye contact with each of us individually. It's obvious that this is a big moment for everyone that's crowding around her now. There's an oddly tangible sense of emotion in the room. "So now go home, get some rest, and eat a good dinner. Don't cram tonight. You know what you know at this point. I'll see you all on the other side."

Her departure is swift. She doesn't even bother to wait for the rest of us to say anything back. We've spent the past month nestled back under the crook of her wing once more. It served as a reminder of what a wonderful place that is to be. Equally so it served to remind us of our humble beginnings. All month she's taken the liberties of reminding Harry what an asshole he was, Ruth what a know-it-all she could be, TJ what a kiss-ass he could be, Monty what a priss he could be, and me... well, she reminded me just how naive I could be. Some things haven't changed, she said. When she said it her eyes skimmed over all of us, but I felt like they lingered on me the longest.

I don't know why, necessarily. I think a large part of it stems from her inability to accept my friendship with Harry. Even now, she still sees him as the boy that he was when he first came here. She lacks the ability to see his change. All year long he's proven that he can and will change, if someone fights for him enough. Harry's proved time and time again that he is not the same person anymore, but I think Vargas just hesitates to see it. Half the time I think she's expecting him to pull off some mask and admit that all of this was just some show that he was putting on.

With Vargas gone, the rest of us enter the locker room. I can't remember the last time that we were collectively let out before the sun had set. We're all sort of giddy about it; tripping over ourselves to try and get home. Of course, home isn't what it used to be: Ruth and TJ will be riding off in TJ's nice car together and they'll spend the night putting together the nursery. If I thought Ruth was an over-achiever at work, I had no idea what was in store for her miracle baby. Monty will head home to his new house with Oliver and they'll spend the night with Oliver quizzing Monty and mispronouncing the medical jargon until Monty gets annoyed enough that they just go to bed.

Harry and I are all that's left in my house. I thought the house would feel emptier. Don't get me wrong: it feels empty. It feels like there is a big gaping hole in the places that Monty and Ruth used to reside. But it doesn't feel impossible. It doesn't feel like I get choked up walking past their rooms. It feels natural and expectable and I don't feel as sad as I thought I would have.

Maybe part of it is Will's influence. We've been spending a lot of nights together. Our lives have become some odd parallel of the sort of domestic front. At least as domestic as we can get living the lives that we lead. He's been cooking for me a lot. He's even been kind enough to refrain from commenting on my weight gain. Historically I've maintained much of the same weight, though in intense periods of stress it's been known to fluctuate. Recently it's been going up and Will has been all that I could have ever asked for. He was kind enough to look the other way when I canceled our date because I didn't have any pants that fit any more. Once the USMLE Step 3 is done, I know that my life will return to normal.