I Loved You

SORRY, YOU DESERVED BETTER

To the man that deserved better
When you hear the story of a a broken heart it's always the boyfriend that comes to mind! It's a beautiful story of how they met and fell in love, then comes the lying, cheating, or they leave. That's not our story though, I was always the villain! It's not like it was just one of those things that I did or that it only happened once. I'm sorry I hurt you trying to figure out who I was and what I truly wanted in a relationship. You gave me your whole heart, Wrapping me in your arms so full of love, and giving me all of your time and effort. At first I could return your feelings and then I just couldn't, I wasn't there anymore. I should have told you, it would have been the right thing to do. For that I am so sorry! Know that everything we had was real, the dates, talks, and gifts were genuine. I'm thankful that we had those good times because they are amazing memories, it wasn't all bad. Even now I don't have the answers for why I stayed and lied or did the things I did. I was happy and in love with you for awhile. There wasn't anything you did wrong, it was me! Yes I did seriously say that! You forgave me when you shouldn't have and you did it so fast. I took advantage of your forgiveness! If you hadn't caught me you would have never known. I don't know why it hurt when you told people because everyone already knew, you were the last to know. I think I was more upset for you because it was you that they were talking about and looking at weird. I mean yeah there were some harsh things said and some nasty looks, it just wasn't anyone I cared about doing it! Trust me when I say what you didn't know wasn't hurting you. I really hate that there's more to our story than you know. Honestly I thought I was over him. Then I lied and said I was sorry and it would never happen again. That wasn't fair to you and it didn't help either of us! Maybe if we had met at another time we could have worked. Being honest he was my drug of choice, he made me life so many different things at once. I never stopped to think it was a bad thing, that I should want something better for myself. I thought I could quit him, he didn't need me either. That was a lie, neither of us could stay away from the other, I can't explain it. As years passed and I grew and changed for the better I realized how horrible I treated you, I was terrible to you. You deserved my whole heart, I didn't have it to give and I knew that going into our relationship. I'm sorry for that and so much more. I only ever wished the best for you; you'd find the person you were meant to be with, and the happiness that you deserved! You did just that, your life and family is amazing! You contributed to the woman that I am, whether or not you agree I am a good one, I'm becoming more myself then I ever imagined possible! I stopped running from things, good or bad. I found that I'm strong enough to stand on my own, I don't need someone else to be happy. My heart has been broken more times than I'd like to admit! I know now what it feels like to be you, that does not make what I did ok. From our first kiss to our last, I loved you, just not like you deserved. It's taken me along time to admit what I've done and to forgive myself, maybe someday you'll be able to forgive me too. Till then the only thing I can do is say sorry again and thank you for the amazing memories!
Truly Sorry
You Deserved Better