I Loved You

YOU DIDN'T SAY GOODBYE

To the Man that Didn't Say Goodbye
This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever written. I don't think I'll get everything said or will be able to in just one letter. I've had this part pulled up for days and I'm struggling with what I can and cannot say! Then there's the questions, never ending, that go unanswered and never will be. You were my new beginning, my past was just that the past. But your past wasn't done with you and you weren't  able to leave it there. How could you say I love you and you'd see me tomorrow knowing you were going to end your life? I'll always wonder why and never know why! I don't think that's fair but then again life isn't always fair. That's all I can say today! I hope you will understand, it shouldn't be hard considering you're not here anymore!
Forever and Always
The One You Left Behind

To the Man that Didn't Say Goodbye
I've found a little strength to talk about you! I'm going to go with the good memories I have. A party is where we met and started, we shared some friends, it's crazy because we were opposites! It was so cute how quite the super tall boy in the Yankees cap was. Super freaking pale too, not to mention Ukrainian. I think it was how different you were that caught my attention, that's what I was looking for. I was done with not being important or treated special because I deserved those things. I don't know why but I just needed to know you. You made it really hard at first we talked about me, talking really wasn't your thing. I don't think you ever saw me coming or that I wasn't going anywhere! We spent the night and into the early morning talking, laughing and getting to know each other. I wasn't ready to go home, I was enjoying your company too much. We lived so close by I decided I'd just go home with you. Don't go there because it wasn't what everyone was thinking! You were something else nothing like anyone else I'd ever dated. So there it is our happy beginning. Tonight I'm going to go to bed having sweet dreams of you! That's hard sometimes because of how you left me with no goodbye
Forever and Always
The One You Left Behind

To the Man that Didn't Say Goodbye
Darts, something I didn't know how to play or really cared for! It of course would be something you LOVED! I thought it was so crazy you had the board up in your living and the lines set on the floor. I picked it up really fast, I had a great teacher. I don't think you knew that because I acted like I didn't. You were so cute teaching me and the extra time you spent with me was special. It became something we did together and I loved it. We even played at the bar with other people. The look you had when it was my turn was so proud and that smile knowing you'd taught me who to play!  There are so many good memories I have from us playing darts. I wish I still had someone to play with! What do you think happened to the really nice set of darts I got you? Do you think your sister keep them? Or did she put them in the trash with some of my things that were left at your house? I think we'll save her for another letter, not ready to go there yet.
Forever and Always
The Girl You Left Behind

To the Man that Didn't Say Goodbye
Thanksgiving was a busy day with three places to go, also first big holiday. I'll admit I was nervous about your parents the most, considering they didn't do the traditional Thanksgiving meal. The language barrier would end up being the worst thing, considering everyone could speak English! I'm not sure what everyone was talking about but I'm positive it was me, I did love how you reminded people I couldn't understand what they were saying. I'm glad I don't like olives, your sister had her fingers in them! Yuck!! Trying new food is hard for me but it wasn't too bad. It's a good thing we'd already been two places. I was the soberest person there! You have no idea how much more that made things difficult for me. Just being there with you was enough to make through the meal. You never warned me about the fact I wasn't what your parents wanted for you, that would have been nice to have known. Your mom wouldn't accept any of my help, I don't remember your dad doing anything but offering me a drink. Oh course it was different with my family, everyone talked to you! You got to experience my mom's and then my dad's thanksgiving. We got sent home with more leftovers then I think we needed. I was happy to see you interacting with my family. We might be crazy big and different but family is everything to me! I felt like at the end of the day my family made you feel comfortable and liked you! At the end of the day I didn't feel comfortable with your family and I was positive they didn't like me that much! It wasn't them that I loved it was you, so I didn't let it bother me. At the end of the day I loved you a little more than I did when we started! Like I said family is important and you bounded with mine! Not bonding with yours would be something in the end that I'd be reminded I didn't belong with them. I would grieve you and they would blame me!
Forever and Always
The Girl You Left Behind

To the Man that Didn't Say Goodbye
Today I was watching tv and there was a car fire! You already know I was laughing, smiling just a little too. Call me crazy but I enjoy a car fire, I'm pretty sure you'd find it a little fun. The Sentra was a really good car. I hadn't had it for very long before we started dating. How were we supposed to know the wires in the trunk weren't capped? I'm just saying you did take the amp and speaker out not me! I didn't know anything about that. I'd only put everyone's Christmas in the trunk and I do mean everything, minus the beer I was getting you! Pulled out of the driveway, stopped at the four way stop sign, turned and then there was smoke. It didn't take long before it was on fire, and the neighborhood was outside. Someone said they had called 911 and the fire department was on its way. Just been serviced and with a full tank of gas! It didn't matter it was on fire I was getting my purse from inside and whatever I could from the trunk. Watching the windows bust, front tires go, and then an axe go through the hood of your car is not something fun! Not our best date, but you being there made it suck a little less. I couldn't believe how calm you were during this horrible event and you held me as I watched my car go up in flames. You talked to the fire department, asking all the things I'd need to know when my Dad got there! Having you there to help with my Dad was amazing, something I thought you'd be around to do more of. The new Sentra came it amp and speaker, special edition or something! Best Christmas present! My sister and I saw a car fire on the Circle four months ago and I was like "that totally sucks, remember when..." I stopped for a moment before I could finish. As we talked about it a little more we both found ourselves laughing Isn't that funny? Life can throw you for a loop or you get dealt a shit hand, you just have to hang in there long enough for things to get better. Sometimes it'll get worse before it gets better, not always, but things will get better. What was it that you couldn't deal with? Never mind that, I'm not done with the good yet!
Forever and Always
The Girl You Left Behind

To the Man that Didn't Say Goodbye
I used to love Christmas as a kid! You do remember how important family is to me? I keep forgetting you can't answer me questions, for some reason I just keep asking. Let's get back on track with the good. My Greatest Dance ended in December of 2002, that changed Christmas forever! But you somehow changed it that year. I was a little happier than the year before! I was looking forward to decorating, we even helped your sister with the at your guys house! We even set by the fire and watched a couple movies! I know it's silly and we didn't tell anyone that we drove around and looked at the Christmas lights one night. I'd told you we did it when I was little and how much fun I thought it was! That night meant more than any gift you ever bought me. I remember those things, you know the little things. I was smarter because of Thanksgiving, I passed on your family time. I always spend Christmas Eve at my Mom's anyway, we open one gift before "Santa" comes, and get up early from gifts and breakfast! I came home in between my Mom and Dad's so we could do Christmas together. It wasn't the gifts I remember, it was how happy you made me! I just wish I'd known it was the beginning of the end for you. Everything was getting ready to change and not for the better! There are two more good letters I want to write, but for each good memory there's bad ones! Somewhere and somehow I missed the signs along the way that you needed help. I love you just as much now as I did then.
Forever and Always
The Girl You Left Behind

To the Man that Didn't Say Goodbye
Looking forward to the start of a new year, a change was exactly what I needed! You'd given me so much already, that the bad stuff didn't matter! I had the cutest outfit black pants with a little green sequin shirt! My hair was down and curly with a sequin scarf! Reservations for dinner and a party to follow!! You looked good!! I had no idea you sister was joining us for the night. The food was excellent!! The fight you and your sister got into at the restaurant was embarrassing and uncalled for. I just wish I'd known what followed would be worse. The party was really crowded and you guys were still fighting!! The phone call from the Man I Gave Everything to was the best part of the night! He just wanted to say hi and let me know I was loved and he missed me! Even though we weren't together he thought about me! I'm not sure at what point you decided to leave and you did so without me. DUI and jail was how you started the year out! Well I think this is pretty much were all the happiness and fun stopped. I could write one more letter for Valentines, it's just it'll be like this one. Starting off good but going wrong at some point and I don't want to share that. At some point I'm going to write more letters because I need you to know how you left me hurt!
Love Always,
The One You Left Behind