Keyword: Come [KOOKTAE]✔

three

"I'll make you come for me, kitten," I blushed on the name. We both know each other for 8 years to be exact but this is the very first time he made me feel unknown to my own feelings. I don't know what I am going to feel— excited, nervous, happy— I don't know. Maybe mixed. There are several times I masturbated just by thinking about him— the hotness, his abs, his voice, his fake moans— even those are fake I can't deny it's sexy and hot!

'Have I just fantasized about my best friend, you ask? Yes.'

Sometimes or more likely often, I ask myself about my real sexuality whenever I'm with him, forgetting about being a pansexual. I'm nervous. There are so many what ifs suddenly bugging my mind. What if he'll ignore me after this? What if we both feel awkward after sex? I'm afraid he'll distance himself— or I. I'm afraid at the huge possibility that after we have sex, our solid friendship will be vulnerable. Dramatic, yeah. But I can't help but to overthink.

"Are you sexcited as I am?" he whispers and gave me kitten kisses on my neck, making small moans come out from my lips. I felt his lips etched for a grin.

"Say yes, baby," he whispers, waiting me to answer.

"B-before anything else..." I pushed him back off me, making him stop kissing on my collarbones and neck. He creased his forehead in confusion, the earlier greedy eyes turned into a great bafflement.

"What's wrong?"

"This," I stated. ".. this is wrong."

"Later on, you'll feel right. Tae hyung, you've fucked many people and I know you no longer inexperienced. I don't get why you are backing out," He says, feeling confuse on the consequence.

This is wrong. I want him. I need him. As my best friend. I don't want others to look at us with malice. We are having sexual benefits so we are friends? No. A lot of people in the campus were thinking Jungkook and I are secretly dating— knowing that we are capable of doing that because of our open sexuality or maybe because Jungkook used to be touchy. We kept denying it for ourselves also because it is the truth. We are friends. Only friends.

I, myself made the dare for him. We both created the deal between us. But I'm a fool for not using my great brain on making up with that. I did not think carefully. I know it will just happen for once— just this fucking night— but now that I realized the things might happen in the near future if we continued, maybe I should stop this before it's too late to regret it. Just like other best friends out there, who talked about confidential stuffs but end up cutting the tie of their friendships.

"We're bestfriends." I replied after a few minutes, ".. After this, you might feel awkward. You'll ignore me then I don't know," I mark. ".. I don't want to ruin our friendship, Jungkook." His grin falters and sighs. He leans towards me. This is one of my fantasies, to have sex with my best friend. But I have to be realistic.

"Ruin our friendship? Awkward after sex?" He asks to confirm and I nod as an answer.

"Were sex and fuck same to you, Tae hyung?" He asks and I simply shake my head. Sex isn't just for once. It can be twice, trice, and even make it a daily routine, perhaps with the same person. Sex is done by people who have intimacy with each other no matter what their relationship is. For others, sex is only for legal partners who truly love each other— for those who are conservative of course. Some say it is for pleasure or just to feel something. Otherwise, fuck is just a fuck. It happens for just once. We fucked, then it is just a fuck. Nothing special.

When you fuck, you fuck. When you sex, you love.

It's how we differentiate the terms.

"Promise you will not distance from me after this, " I said in a hoping tone. "Or can we just skip the deal? Let's just musterbate together! It's better than fucking since we both can't predict what the other day meant to come," I suggested with a light laugh to at least minimize the strange seriousness between.