The Christmas Wish

Thanksgiving Day II

624

STEF POV

I had not meant to snap at my mother  but she just had a habit of sticking her noise in places it didn't belong. Sure I knew she was trying to help in terms of our kids but at this point I just wasn't sure of it.  Did part of me want to go over to Mikes and see my son? Of course and each time I thought of him, each time I thought of Callie and Mariana and Jesus I had a ping in my heart, one that I couldn't always ignore.

From day one that Lena and I moved in together and purchased this home it had be mayhem. The kids never really got along and when they did it was only for short periods of time.  Lena and I of course always tired whatever we could but nothing really seemed to work for her kids never took to me and mine never took to hers.  Many times I blamed myself for it,  and at times she blamed herself as well thinking if we had not been together that our kids would still speak with us.

When our kids were little and before Lena and I had met life had been different of course. It really had been as I looked into the storage back I had in the back of our closet that was filled with Brandons old matchbox cars and some of Callie's baseballs. She had always loved sports like her father and many nights and weekends I'd play ball with her at the playground. Back then I had tried to be the best mother I could when I was married to Mike. But it had been hard, and rather difficult for I felt trapped, confined and not myself. Of course it was becomes I was so deep in the closet that I could barely think and would soon suffer from panic attacks. Sure at the time I had no clue what they were and as I think back on it now I know damm well why I got them. I knew all to well and..

"Stef?" I soon hear seeing Frankie standing in the doorway as I place the old box on our bed.

"Hey love. What's up?"

"Are you ok? Are you upset?"

"Come here please." I say as she slowly walks over and I grab her gently placing her on our bed. Smiling at her I take a seat beside her as she slides her hand inside mine.

"Why are you upset? I heard you yelling at your mom. I wasn't being nosy." She admits as I softly smile at her sneezing her hand. Not wanting to admit too much for she was just far too young I choose my words wisely as her big brown eyes look into mine. "Do your kids not talk to you?"

"A few years ago we had a disagreement sweetheart."

"About what?"

"Well just somethings in life. We have not seen each other in a few years." I admit trying to be vague about it the best I can. 

"Stef, I know I'm little but I'm not dumb." She says as I can only laugh. "I know stuff."

"Oh yeah? I bet you do know stuff huh?"

"Yeah. Maybe I can help! What if you just all say sorry no matter what it is. Would that solve it? Sometimes I'm mad and I forget why I'm mad. Is that weird?"

"Ha no baby love. That is not weird. Not by any means."

"Were they mad because you are with Lena?"

"What?" I ask surprised wondering how in the heck she knew this. 

"Were they mad you were with Lena? Because you like a girl?"

"Well, love, I don't know honestly.Sadly we just didn't get along as a family but I hope one day we will."

"They are lucky you and Lena are their Mama's. I never met mine."

"No?"

"No."

"MM. How does that make you feel sweetheart?"

"I don't know. Maybe she or my daddy didn't think they could take care of me. I'm not mad or anything really. I just wonder what they look like. Is that bad?"

"Not at all baby. That's ok to wonder that and to be curious about who you came from. I would want to know too if I were you my love. My own kids were curious too."

"Oh. Did you tell them?"

"MM well I didn't have much information to tell them. Some adoptions are closed or some birth parents are very hard to track down. I told them as much as I knew and same with Lena. But one thing was certain is we loved them and still do. Just like we love you." I say poking Frankie's little nose as she grins widely.

"This is my first Thanksgiving Stef. I'm kind of nervous."

"Aww come here. Come sit on my lap." Pulling her up on my lap I gently lift her chin up smiling at her. This girl really did have my heart and I wanted her to know this. "You have nothing to be nervous about. Thanksgiving is about family and eating. And you are my love are very much apart of this family. Do you know how special you are to both me and Lena?MM? And my mother adores you as well."

"She's super nice Stef. And I adore you too. But I guess it's because I never had one."

"Well how is it so far? MM? I know you had a little punishment in the morning but besides that?"

"I like it. I like being with you and Lena more than anything. I feel like I have always known you."

"Yeah? I feel that way too baby. I feel like I have known you forever and I love looking at your sweet face everyday."

"I love looking at you and Lena everyday. I love you both a lot."

"Yeah? We love you to sweetheart. So, so much. Give me a hug my girl." Smiling wide at me she wraps her arms around me so tight as I hug her back hard.Last thing I ever wanted to involve this little girl in was our family issues. No way would I do that and I would avoid it at all costs for she had seen and heard enough in her little life. My goal and Lena's was to provide her a safe home, and more than anything a permanent one. "Lets go on and help Lena with cooking yes?"

"Ok!"