New Kid: Ashton Irwin

Chapter 29

Ashton's POV

I open my eyes to the bright morning sun and an awful gnawing pain of guilt. God. I couldn't just fucking control myself for 2 seconds.

I know I'm not the best person, but I never pictured myself as a cheater. Caroline isn't even that pretty, but I guess my drunk ass thought she was worth betraying the only person I love without her even knowing.

That manipulative little bitch. She took advantage of me. She knows how much I love Carmen, yet she doesn't even try to stop me. She knew I was drunk and incapable of my actions and she was still that stupid. If that slut wasn't so desperate, there wouldn't be a problem. I would be excited to see Carmen come back, but now I'm stressed and worried about what lie I'm going to have to come up with this time.

I feel dizzy in the head and I have no motivation what so ever to get my shit together and go to school. It wouldn't be the same without Carmen keeping my sane.

*Please come back soon.*

I text her and get my shameful ass out of bed. It feels empty without my happiness laying next to me, grabbing my arm and begging to lay down for five more minutes. This week is going to be one of the most long, stressful, horribly painful I've experienced in a while.

Carmen's never going to forgive me for this one. I know I say that a lot, but I fucked up big time. I don't even want to be with myself anymore.

Eating is out of the picture because of the stirring pot at the bottom of my stomach, reminding me every 2 seconds what I did.

*I'll be there before you know it. ;) I love you xx.*

She texts back a few minutes before I leave for hell. How am I suppose to focus when the only thing I'm thinking about is all the shitty things I've done since she's left? God, I'm such an idiot! Part of me wants to not even tell her about it, but somehow convince Caroline to not to bring it up. Another wants to tell her. She's said before that our relationship needs to be more open and honest...

No, I can't tell. It'll tear her apart, but at the same time if Caroline tells her, she'll tear me apart.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Well, if she cheated on me I would want to know...

Yeah, I'll be mad at first, but I'll realize that I love her and it was a mistake. If I could erase the last 24 hours, I would in a heartbeat.

English class isn't the same without her warm and inviting presence next to me. I look at her seat and imagine her tall frame sitting there. She'd probably be head deep in a book and ignoring the lesson or be so concentrated, her little tounge will show itself under her curled lips.

"Irwin! Pay attention." Asshole.

The whole morning goes slow and everyone around me looks so happy.

"Ashton..." Calum shakes me out of my daze. "You alright?"

"I'm cool." I look around the cafeteria and I lock eyes with Caroline instantly. I didn't know how mad I really was until she winks at me. Does she really not understand how much she fucked up? It's taking everything in me to not run over and cuss her out. That bitch! How fucking dare she! She never even apologized!

"Ash, don't do it." Michael reminds, but his words go right through me.

I get up and she mimics my action.

"Hey baby..." She throws her arms around my neck and starts planting small kisses on my jawline.

"Get off me." I push and step back, keeping my distance from her.

"What's wrong? I thought  you wanted all this." She grabs my hands and glues them to her lower back. A few people glance our way, so I pull her into a deserted hall.

"Please tell me you don't actually think I like you."

"Oh babe, you've already made that obvious."

"What?"

"Oh come on! Just admit it. I saw the look in your eyes last night."

"My bloodshot eyes? I was shit face drunk and you knew that!"

"The things people do when they're drunk, are thing they're too scared to do sober." She starts sucking my neck and my anger is boiling by the second.

"I don't fucking want you! I love Carmen and only Carmen! She's my whole world, why can't you understand that?" I walk back to the cafeteria, but she grabs my bicep. Why doesn't she just leave me alone?

"It's not all my fault, you know..."

"You knew I was drunk and didn't stop me."

"Don't make me tell her." She threatens after a moment of silence.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Watch me, bitch. I'm gonna make you regret passing me up."

"Don't fucking do it!"

If she tells, I'm fucked. I've worked so hard from the last problem with Carmen and this bitch is gonna send me back to square one.

"Alright...on one condition." I don't like the sound of this. "Long, long ago, your precious baby girl told me you had a journal..."

Oh shit.

No.

No.

No.

"I want to read every single little page from the beginnig to the very last entry."

"No. I'm sorry, but that's private. Carmen hasn't even read it."

"Okay, suit yourself. Now let me see if I still have her number."

She whips out her cracked phone and my stomach drops more and more each swipe.

"Oh here we are. I knew this would come in handy some day."

"You selfish little bitch. Why do you want to break us up so badly?"

"Because I deserve you way more than she does! She totally takes advantage of you! You're blinded by love."

"Deserve me? What?"

"I like you, Ashton! I've liked you since you started coming here. While you and your bitch were yelling cuss words at each other in the hallway, I was there waiting to smack her so hard it'd be physically impossible for her to say anything ever again!"

"What the fuck? I thought you were her friend."

"And I thought you cared about me..." She puts her phone away and starts to head back to the lunchroom. "Looks like we're both mistaken."