You won't get away with it | Twice

7 - Giving up

"Do you ever just feel like..." Sana began. She was sitting with Nayeon outside the recording booth, waiting for their turn to record the lyrics for the song for their new comeback. Sana had the overwhelming feeling of loneliness all of a sudden. She guessed that it was because at this time, she would have sat with Momo or be texting Momo while waiting. But of course, Sana was once again hit with the realisation that Momo wasn't here, and it was all her fault.

"Giving up?" Nayeon finished for her, tilting her head to the side slightly and the corner of her mouth turning up. Her eyes glimmered slightly in a way that Sana had only seen once before. Those eyes were Momo's exactly.

"I always feel like giving up." Nayeon sighed. "There's this constant nagging voice in the back of my skull telling me I'm not good enough. That I was never good enough. That I should just go jump off a cliff or something because everyone would be better off without me."

Sana was slightly taken aback by Nayeon's description. Was that how Momo had felt every day of her life?

"Sometimes I feel so horrible that I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. But I always ask myself 'What the heck have I got to live for?' And the thing is, I always have an answer to that. I've always got something more to live for. Even if it's just one day, I'll wake up and think: I'll do today. Just today and then tomorrow I'll kill myself." Nayeon smiled. "But there's always one more thing I have to live for. Always one more day."

Sana didn't feel very well. Nayeon had things to live for but Momo didn't? Not even something to push her forward for one more day.

"Sana, you know, if you're feeling bad, you can talk to me. Or anyone." Nayeon placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't hold it all in."

Nayeon was called for recording and she promptly left. Mina stepped out and sat next to Sana.

"Aren't you going to go back to the dorm?" Sana asked her, the feeling of sickness and loneliness disappearing slightly at her presence.

"I'm here to stop you from killing her." Mina said.

Sana sighed. She was hearing things differently. Mina would never say something like that to her. She leaned her head against the wall, breathing deeply and muttering to herself.

"That's not what she said. That's not what she said."

"If you can't take it anymore, just give up. Give up and kill yourself just like you killed Momo."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Kill yourself."

"STOP IT!"

"SANA. LOOK AT ME." Mina's hands were on her shoulders. Sana realised that she had backed herself into a corner. Her whole body shook with adrenaline. Nayeon and the recording managers were standing outside of the booth. Everyone was looking at her.

Mina was here. Her beautiful face was drenched in tears and she brought a hand to cup Sana's cheek.

"It's not your fault." She whispered. Mina always knew what Sana was thinking. "I'm right here. Nobody blames you." Sana blamed herself.

(Dahyun blamed herself.)

(Jihyo blamed herself.)

"We're going to get through this recording and then go for our dance practice. Just everything one step at a time." Mina's voice made Sana sleepy. "We'll do this together."

Sana doesn't want to doanything anymore.