Life As I See It

Toxic

It was a beautiful day,
The perfect day,
And the sun was shining so bright I couldn't help looking up.
It blinded me, but I didn't care,
Because we were laughing,
And having such a good time,
That it didn't matter,
And you were leading,
So I didn't have to worry;
I trusted you implicitly.

And then I nearly fell off the edge of a cliff.

I hadn't been able to see,
I had no sense of direction, I never do,
No sense of balance,
And you know that,
Or you knew that,
You should have.
And when I stepped out into open air,
I didn't even worry;
I simply threw my hand back,
And reached to grab onto you,
Because I knew you would always catch me before I fell.

But I guess I was wrong.

You weren't there,
There was no one there to stop me from tipping over.
I looked back briefly in these moments,
And I saw you,
Only steps out of my reach,
With your back turned to me,
Surrounded by all these new people who had not been there moments before.
You couldn't see that I was falling,
And so you were laughing,
And nodding to whatever they were saying;
They didn't see me either,
But then again,
None of them were my best friend.

You didn't even notice I was falling.

You were still having that sunshine,
Happy day,
And it didn't matter that I wasn't having it with you;
It didn't matter that there were clouds,
Blocking out my sun,
And rain pouring searing shards of ice,
Straight into the empty spot,
Where my heart used to reside.

Did you toss that off the cliff too?

Did you care at all,
That I was falling;
I was falling off a cliff,
With you not even noticing,
And yet I was worried about you.
I was worried that I had gotten you lost in my excitement,
That I had pushed you back and out of reach because I wasn't even looking.
I was worried about you,
And I was falling off a cliff.

I would fall off a thousand cliffs for you.

I thought about what it would have been like,
If you had been there to catch me;
You would have been laughing,
Making fun of me the whole time.
You would tell me over and over that I was clumsy,
And I would play at being upset,
But I would really be relieved,
Not because I had ever worried you wouldn't be there to catch me,
But because I was worried I would pull you down with me.

You let me think everything was my fault.

I was directionally challenged,
And I had trusted you to lead me,
But when I was falling off a cliff I didn't see coming,
You were several steps back,
Not even knowing you had been the one to lead me straight to it.

Is this what they call toxic?