behind the scenes | random

from me to myself

Hi, this is a totally random rant
might seem unimportant but it really is important so read carefully.

First let me start off with this, today on the way home I had a panic attack on the bus to home from college. I couldn't breathe and it was suffocating, I have this problem but I never really happened to notice before and even now I dont really care. There's no cure to that so i let it be, so many ppl were there including one of my close friend but she was busy on her own to notice me plus i didn't want anyone to notice either. When my stop came, i rushed out but when i was about to get down the driver thought i got down and took off the bus at the moment when my foot touched the ground,

BOOM!

I fell down. Yes, I fell down and the place was really small, there were cars and bicycles parked. The driver didn't even look back or stopped the bus he just drove off. My mind was so blurred and so does my vision. For a second, I didn't know what was going on or where am I, I was just there on the ground sitting like a maniac for 10 seconds lol and the people started to gather, then I shook my head and realised I fell down.

Wooooo who's the clumsy queen yes its me-

Oh ok shhhh inner me,

yeah, then something clicked I was like "damn girl you fell down, get up for your own fucking self."

those words.. idek it was like a magic that I happened to hear that voice in my head, it screamed to me that I should get up. I got up so fast dusting myself off and the men were around be like
"are you okay?"
"You fine?"
and this guy who was on a scooter was kind enough to ask me
"Did anyone push you down dear?"
I smiled and said
"no sir I fell down myself I'm fine thank you, sorry for blocking the road"

And the people were like woooooh go girl. I felt so damn proud of myself at that moment but fuck it hurts. I kind of limped all the way to home, fuckkkk it hurts people but lemme let you this,

YOU MUST STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.
STAND UP. EVEN IF IT HURTS.
STAND UP. EVEN IF PEOPLE PUSH YOU DOWN.
STAND UP. EVEN IF YOU CANT FOR AWHILE.
STAND UP. EVEN IF NO ONE COMES TO HELP YOU.

It sounds cliche right? People do say that lol, but please, I know this world is getting really bad every day, it's okay to be selfish for yourself, you cared enough. It's okay to love yourself it's not selfish. It's necessary.

Stay strong. Stand up tall. Smile at your enemies. Smile and laugh at your problems and face it! Face your problems. Dont run away, take a break. Think. And solve the shiz.

Okay enough rin-

No shut up inner me!!

Ugh she is stubborn asf isnt she?

Yeah, even though it hurts so bad, I sprained my ankle and bruised my knees, I stood up because no one will help you, ppl will feel pity and try to act all goody goody but bleh,

My mom always tells me "no one will help you other than your own hands and legs. Never disturb anyone, do your own thing, stand up for your own self"

I dont blame the driver or myself, idk what happened. Maybe it's me that I wanted to get home asap bc of my panic attack, but I thank the god it's not any big accident. Thank you my lord. I love you.

So what I'm saying is that, love yourself. Stay strong. We all go through  shit, me? From the childhood, but still I'm here, please dont hurt yourself please dont hate yourself, please dont lose hope, you are not alone. All you have to do is dust off the problems and stand up again and face it dont run away it won't make a difference and at last,

You're not alone,
I love you.
Stay strong.
Take care of yourself.

♡ :)

Love.
R~