singled

~Fourty~

"Cal" I laughed out, continually wiping his tears, trying to not cry myself.

"I delivered your fucking child- I'm sitting here holding your fucking child, when in the hell did you turn into an adult?" He was having a breakdown.

"Calum" I spoke, but he continued talking

"Like- I swear to god two weeks ago I was begging your mom to get you birth control as you laid in my bed crying because your cramps- and now you're all grown up" tears fell down his cheeks and I immediately wiped them, not letting any fall further than his cheeks.

"And I've watched you fall in love, it was so fun for me to watch- and then the fucker goes and breaks your heart, but then, as I pulled Cayden out of you and put her on your chest- I looked at your face Casey and oh my god" he looked to the sky

My eyes were watering as he spoke
"You were in love all over again- I could see it on your face. You cried as soon as you saw her- she was covered in blood and amniotic fluids- it was fucking disgusting, but you immediately held her to your face and cried- you didn't care." He cried.

"And now I look at you when you and Luke are doing shit together and I've suddenly realized- Luke looks at you the way you look at your child" he cried out more- making me move to sit beside him, hugging him from the side.

"And seeing him like that makes me realize that you two possibly have a future- and a future means marriage and you know what marriage means- growing up even fucking more, you won't need me at all once you and Luke are completely independent" he covered his face, clearly trying to stop himself from crying.

"Cal" I mumbled quietly, hearing him hum.

"How long have you been holding all of this in?" I asked him quietly.

"Since you moved out the first time" he hiccuped  making me hug him even tighter.

"I know you think that once I'm older and independent completely that I won't need you, but that's not true at all" I mumbled.

"When I figure out who my 'soulmate' is, whether that be Luke or not, hes still going to get on my fucking nerves at points, I'm going to need my dad, I'm going to need to be able to go to your house and rant. I'm still going to want you to cuddle me when I don't feel good. I'm going to want you to be more than active in my kids' lives, I'll always need you Cal" I mumbled quietly to him.

"And I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk with mom. Share with her that you feel that Macey is impacting your relationship with her. Come clean about your feelings with her the way you just did with me. She's not going to react the same way as she has been, I promise you" I spoke quietly.

"You're right- I haven't even been able to fully sit down with her and explain to her my real feelings about it all, we've only argued over Macey" he cleared his throat lightly.

"Thank you for being my dad. Thank you for caring so much and helping me grow up." I spoke quietly, looking to Cayden, letting her grab my finger in her hand, making even Calum look to her.

"Thank you for being my baby girl- my sunshine when everything was cloudy."

Once we were both mentally stable we picked back up, situated Cayden and made the hike back to the car.

I helped him word out what he wanted to say to mom as he drove me home, and I think he was confident, I just prayed that she would listen.

"Can I ask you something that we never talked about?" He asked me.

"Sure" I mumbled quietly.

"How did you feel when Nick left you because you were pregnant?" He asked me slowly.

That was a hard question, because there were so many feelings involved in all of that.

"I was really scared- very angry." I spoke truthfully.

"At the time- I thought being a single mom was going to be the worst thing ever and I didn't want to ask you guys for help, but yet I needed so much help" I exhaled slowly.

"But once I had everyone back and once I knew that no one was mad- everything seemed okay. It still hurt, because I really did love Nick, but I knew that I would love my baby more than I could've ever loved Nick- and I was right."

"It's a love you can't explain, right?" Calum asked with a smile.

"That's the exact way to word it"