A Bird in Flight | ✔︎

Chapter twenty-three: Staring Death in the eye

Callan

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO ashamed of myself. And I have never fucked up so badly. For the first time in my life, I had a shot at happiness but naturally, I blew it. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that the blame lies entirely on Ensley but it doesn't take long for me to come to the conclusion that I'm the monster in this situation.

"You just have to be patient," my mom tells me, taking a few eggs out from the fridge while I sit at the kitchen bench scrolling aimlessly through Instagram as I shovel mouthfuls of cereal down my throat after explaining to her about Ensley's and I's dramatic breakup. Its weird to be talking to her without sarcastic comments and hostility.

I snort. "Patient? Mom, she dumped my ass."

"Just give her time," she says, cracking the eggs against the edge of the bench and placing them into the sizzling frying pan. "Talk to her and win her back."

I sigh, tapping the metal spoon on the edge of my bowl as my mom stirs the eggs with a wooden spoon.

"Do you need me to smack some sense into you?" she asks teasingly, waving the wooden spoon around.

I smirk. "Don't give Dad any ideas."

"You know his already fulfilled that idea," she replies. "Now go get back that girl."

"You know I won't, Mom," I say as I rise to my feet and place my bowl into the sink, watching the water splatter across the bench top as it ricochets off the spoon. "I had my chance and I blew it."

My mom sighs. "Well...if that's what you believe."

The next few weeks are torture. Every morning I've woken gazing at my bedroom ceiling wishing I could just high-road it out there but I can't leave my mother to deal with all of my fathers wrath. I need to be his main focus. I need to protect her no matter how shitty she is.

James announced he would be leaving for his business trip the morning of his departure, not giving my mom or I enough time to prepare for the onslaught the moment James exited the house. After dodging a very angry blow from my dad, I grabbed my keys and tore over to Maddox's where Sam was waiting for me. I couldn't even remember the night of the party since I'd thrown down that shot, just faint snippets of a girl and a big white bed and lots of alcohol. Maybe that's why I was so horrified when they told me, the reality of my mistake sinking in. The phone call was disastrous but I had to tell her the truth. That I didn't trust her and I feared that she would leave me the moment the darkness of my soul surfaced. She broke me. She hurt me and stole my heart and I did the exact same back to her.

Well...at least now I won't have to be afraid that my father might become of me. Now I don't have to be afraid that I might loose control of my rage and beat her senseless.

I ended up confronting my dad about lying to me about his living situation and not telling me that he was bankrupt, choosing the time carefully so that he wouldn't be drunk enough to not remember but drunk enough not to hit me as hard. That plan backfired when he ended up throwing his beer bottle at my shoulder and dislocating it. I told everyone that while I was mountain bike riding I ran into a tree, but that didn't stop Sam from walking past and yelling out, "Gorgeous sling, Beckett! Tell you father I said hi!" She hates me for breaking her best friends heart...or maybe she's just pissed her best friend will be living at a farm for a month instead of saving her from her psycho brother.